Dating/Meeting up with someone

[Redruby2020]

I just wanted to find out what others do or would, and more to the point how they manage to meet up with a new guy etc. Before anyone says you just don't or child should come first, my DC does 100%. And from reading other posts where people say it is normal to feel the loss of freedom, fed up, exhausted etc, I certainly feel it and don't feel bad for saying it. It also depends on the child's age and what help and support there is, and whether they are in nursery or school etc.

I wouldn't think of having my child there when meeting up with someone, and I wouldn't expect the guy to expect the child to be there either. It is different further down the line when you are looking at a longer term relationship.

And I think well how does it work?! DC is with me 99% of the time, contact with his father has had to be stopped for the time being, and my DP's do help well I like to think it's because they actually want to see their GC, I haven't asked very often because we had to stay with them last year, and prior to that I wouldn't of asked a lot because I was still living with exP then. Like I've heard of some being lucky that they have a nanny or someone who does childminding who is at uni etc, and obviously built up a relationship with the person. I've heard of people using childminders or similar who do over night stays, but obviously to me I think that is not something you can do just like that, it would be wrong as the child does not know that person.
Is it selfish to think, if you can't get time away how is this it forever 🤦‍♀️
One person suggested that it free's up some time when they go to school etc, but then most guys would be working, and also that person has a DH and they struggle but she is a full time mum, where as I, will not have the choice to be free whilst DC is in day care.

So yeah, I am looking forward to hearing what views/experiences people have.

@redruby2020 now you mention ABUSE if you said that from your very 1st post my comments would have been different refer to section where I say * unless father is a risk,!!!!

@Redruby2020 as your child gets older it will get easier. At 40 you are still young and plenty of time to meet someone.

[quote Ardvark111]**@redruby2020* now you mention ABUSE if you said that from your very 1st post my comments would have been different refer to section where I say unless father is a risk,!!!![/quote]
It was irrelevant it was good enough to say contact had been stopped, the post was not about the contact stopped, it was about me meeting someone new.

[quote KatherineofOregon]@Redruby2020 as your child gets older it will get easier. At 40 you are still young and plenty of time to meet someone. [/quote]
Aww thanks, after another hard week, you have given me a glimmer of hope!
Having back problems, so park trips etc difficult at the mo, DC being a rascal running off etc, and it's stressful. Plus keeping up with admin and home stuff, and then you've still got to care for and keep DC entertained, though I doubt it will relieve me much, nursery starts shortly, so that will break things up a bit at least.

@red when your DC starts primary there will be sleepovers etc. You will meet other mums in a similar situation. When my Dc were younger i met a great friend at sch ( her family lived in Oz , she is Australian ) and she would have my youngest for the occasional sleepover, so i could go out with friends and attend work parties that sort of thing. I would then have her 2 so she and her Dh could have a night away /date night that sort of thing. It took us 2 yrs to really get to know each other and for that trust to form before we felt comfortable doing the sleep overs. We also both work in sch's ,so had the benefit of knowing the other has an enhanced DBS so that was reassuring. We were sort of each others support network. The kids used to love the sleepovers. Our kids grown up now and we are still friends to this day. This worked for us as neither of us had any family available to help.

I would love to tell you that there is a quick easy solution to this but you know yourself there is not. You are being very wise not having people over to yr house or involving your child, i was the same. Maybe spend the next few yrs laying the groundwork in terms of establishing a strong female friendship . Not only will you have some one to talk to and do stuff together with the kids but she will be able to have your DC to allow you some nights out and you her. You will have someone you trust with yr DC and will be able to fully relax when you are having an eve out and vice versa. All the while your DC is getting older.

It will happen for you OP but it will take time. You could meet someone at any time, the key here is to put something in place for yourself , to allow you to the freedom to spend time with them to get to know them. My advice would be to establish a friendship first, where your DC knows that person and their DC well. Once you have the childcare bit sorted you are halfway there. You will also gain a good lifelong friend so its a win win!

[quote Ardvark111]**@redruby2020* now you mention ABUSE if you said that from your very 1st post my comments would have been different refer to section where I say unless father is a risk,!!!![/quote]
Why should she need to explain or justify herself to you?

Other than it restricting her social life, it is entirely irrelevant to her thread.