Flippant comment - overreacting?

[Purplepanda22]

Maybe I am being too sensitive or overreacting but I’d like an outsider perspective.

My DH and I started TTC our second baby in January and I fell pregnant on the first cycle - we were delighted. Unfortunately, it ended in miscarriage around 7 weeks. I picked myself up pretty quickly got on with work/home, put a smile on my face for my DS. I knew we would try again and although it was upsetting I just wanted to focus on that. My husband sees this as - I was fine about the miscarriage/ barely shed a tear. In reality, I was really upset about it and shocked by it - though I know it, sadly, happens to lots of women.

We left it one cycle and this week we have been trying again. Last night whilst watching the TV I showed him a picture of a cute baby on Instagram and said I just can’t wait to have a newborn baby again.

He replied ‘Right let’s not get carried away like last time’. He tried to backtrack saying ‘WE got carried away’. It really hurt me and I went off to brush my teeth etc for bed. This morning I told him I was upset and he said I misinterpreted what he said. He begrudgingly said sorry when I asked him why he can’t just apologise but he always does this instead of just saying straight away - I shouldn’t have said that last night I’m sorry. I asked him how he thought I was ‘carried away last time’ and he couldn't answer but said he just doesn’t want me to be upset again.

If i have another miscarriage - I will be upset regardless of whether I am excited/ hopeful/ happy to be trying again now. If a second baby doesn’t come to us at all - I will accept that I am lucky and grateful to have a beautiful and healthy son - he knows I feel this way.

Just a side note my husband is my best friend and i love him. He can be patronising at times and he’s not an overly emotional person - so finds it hard to understand my emotions sometimes. I am a very emotional person - cry at anything (Saturday night takeaway / car adverts) but equally show my happiness and excitement liberally.

Am I overreacting? Would you feel upset about this? I feel so silly for looking forward to having a new baby and I think I felt embarrassed. I think I am slightly worried he doesn’t feel the same now.

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage

If I'm completely honest, this does appear to be over sensitivity to me. I would take it as he's trying to protect you from upset (which is obviously impossible but a nice gesture anyway!)

Good luck with the TTC

I see this comment as he doesn't want you to be upset again if something goes wrong - it is a comment that shows he cares about you. I would not have been upset about it personally.

Thank you both for your honest replies. I can be over sensitive sometimes and you're right he does care. He's just a bit blunt at times !

Agree with the PPs. It was a bit insensitive and blunt but to me he seems scared that you’ll be grief-stricken if you don’t get a successful pregnancy ASAP and he is trying to protect you. His priority is you, at the moment. That’s okay OP.

Wow yes he was insensitive
As you said you put on a brave face at the time so I would explain that and tell him exactly how you felt then and now

He’s been blunt but you’ve been sensitive. It’s done. Move on from it. Good luck with your TTC for baby 2.

@Purplepanda22

I read something slightly different into his comment.

The way that he said ''we'' makes me think that he was actually admitting that he was actually a lot more upset than he acted at the time (he was probably doing the whole''trying to be strong to support you thing).

I think that you both need to have a real heart to heart about how you both felt after the miscarriage, because it seems like you've both 'put on a brave face' for the same reasons.............

I think he’s just saying let’s not get all happy and exciting till we know it looks like it happening - ie 12 weeks

It wasn’t the most tactful way of saying it, but yes you over-reacted a bit - just move on

Thanks again for your replies. I just need to move on from the comment - you're right. Thank you for each piece of advice. I've taken it all on board

He replied ‘Right let’s not get carried away like last time’. He tried to backtrack saying ‘WE got carried away’.

Sorry for what's happened. I don't understand why his second comment is backtracking? "Let's" means we - it means "Let us" - so he literally meant both of you, including himself, and perhaps mostly himself, because he felt he got carried away and was scared of doing so again. I think it was about both of you as a couple. And also not to accuse either of you of doing anything wrong before, but just having been through that, trying to mitigate against the hurt again.