I feel a little bit ridiculous typing this but I just need to talk even if it’s to cyberspace.
On 20th Jan my world changed forever. Flippantly I asked my husband if he was having an affair - I was kind of joking but he had been acting a bit weird over lockdown. Anyway - he said ‘yes’. I was floored. Absolutely stunned and broken. We’ve been together for 26 years. Met when we were 17. He has always been the most honest person I have known. He has an amazing family with a very traditional and righteous attitude. I was gobsmacked. I asked him to go a hotel the following day as I couldn’t bear to look at him. He told me it was over for him and that he felt there was absolutely no reason for him to try. It would be a waste of our time. 4 weeks later they moved in together, a week after that they rented a house together. It had been going on for 6-7 months. I was pretty clueless.
Our 16 year daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy the week before.
I just can’t move on. I’m having counselling. Been given medication and my family have been babysitting me for weeks. But I still sit in my bed (alone) and cry. I can’t believe he has gone. I can’t believe he doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t believe the man I thought was my soulmate is just with someone else. Just like that.
When does it get better? Will I always feel broken?
I went for a job interview this week and didn’t get it and the rejection was almost unbearable. Total trigger.
He comes to pick up my daughter a couple of times a week and I can’t even bear to look out of the window and see the car coz even that hurts.
I constantly have a pain in my chest.
I try to cry quietly to protect my daughter (who seems very pragmatic about it all).
Will I always be broken?
Sorry for the long message. I just needed to get it out.
😞