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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Are they trying to make me jealous??

23 replies

Givemethechocolate · 02/04/2021 22:44

Been with my partner 4 months almost (we are same sex) everything's been fine no issues or doubts. She told me about this woman she used to be best friends with but they apparently drifted apart a few years ago as this friend was intense and would get jealous if my partner would go and do stuff with other people. Then it transpires that my partner had kissed her on a night out but she says it was a drunken jokey kiss that meant nothing. I said to her I feel her friend fancied her from her behaviour and my partner is sure she didn't.
Tonight she drops into conversation this friend has randomly text her after a few years of not talking. Saying she had a random dream about my partner and her daughter. Then the conversation moves on and says they will have to meet and my partner will have to introduce me to her. I said to my partner well won't that be awkward after what you've told me about this friend. She said Ohhhh yea maybe, I don't know.
I just feel like my partner knows I think this friend fancies her. So I feel in a way she's trying to make me jealous or I don't know. Am I reading to much into it?
My partner can be insecure will seek my reassurance alot so I wonder if she is trying to make me jealous.
What do others think?

OP posts:

HamFisted · 02/04/2021 22:47

Possibly. That'd be my guess, too.

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 22:56

If you genuinely think she would do this then it is not a healthy relationship and she is not a nice person. You're only 4 months in, should be easy to say 'too much weirdness for me, goodbye!'.

Generally though I would just assume she wanted me to meet a friend of her and go along with it though.

Either your partner us a mindfucking cow or you have issues of your own (eg: abusive exs having worked a number on you) if you jump to the conclusion that this is normal in a relationship.

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 22:57

**IF she is/you think she is trying to make you jealous, that is.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 02/04/2021 22:58

Maybe just to add some more context. Today is the first day I've actually had doubts come into my mind about my partner.
She's been very off and moody with me today because I was suppose to be seeing her and her daughter. I haven't been well though and been on and off the toilet so I said in sorry can we leave today. Since then she's been funny, wouldn't say if she could see me tomorrow. Said she wasn't annoyed just disappointed she didn't see me. Then tonight she tells me about this friend texting her who she hasn't heard from in years

OP posts:

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 02/04/2021 22:59

Usually everything is absolutely fine between us. So im a bit 😕 confused

OP posts:

misskick · 02/04/2021 23:00

Sounds like she is trying too make you jealous

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 23:03

So basically, to 'punish' you. Run.

Also, it depends on the dynamics of individual relationships but - most would argue on here, that at 4 months in, you probably shouldn't even have MET her daughter yet.

And insecurity is not an excuse for controlling or manipulative behaviour. All too often it isnt insecurity at all either, just need to control.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 02/04/2021 23:09

Yes I believe she was trying to punish me today. She lacked any sympathy which she usually has and it was just really unlike her. And then throw in the friend situation of course it's going to be weird of me to meet this friend after what she's told me.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/04/2021 23:12

@Wanderlusto

So basically, to 'punish' you. Run.

Also, it depends on the dynamics of individual relationships but - most would argue on here, that at 4 months in, you probably shouldn't even have MET her daughter yet.

And insecurity is not an excuse for controlling or manipulative behaviour. All too often it isnt insecurity at all either, just need to control.

All of this. Four months in? Shouldn't be headaches like this at all!

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 23:13

Could she maybe have told you that little story so you wouldn't want to meet this 'friend' ?

Either way, four months in is about the time masks can start to slip with ppl. They think you are hooked already and their real faces start to show through.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 02/04/2021 23:25

@Wanderlusto

Could she maybe have told you that little story so you wouldn't want to meet this 'friend' ?

Either way, four months in is about the time masks can start to slip with ppl. They think you are hooked already and their real faces start to show through.

But why would she want me to not meet her? Or maybe she did want me to and become jealous. I don't know. All I know is she wouldn't like it the other way and I definitely wouldn't tell her I'd kissed a friend of mine if it was a joke because I wouldn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Yes this is what I'm worrying about. Her true colours maybe coming through now

OP posts:

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 23:28

Maybe because she is someone else she is dating, not a friend. Or because she knows something about her that she doesn't want you knowing. But that's just down the rabbit hole of course. The main issue is that she may be attempting to make you jealous/insecure.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 03/04/2021 07:19

I don't know I don't think it's that, I just think she wants to make me jealous to see if I care because she was feeling insecure.
I may just mention that I'm uncomfortable with the situation as she would also feel if the tables were turned

OP posts:

WildfirePonie · 03/04/2021 07:33

4 month relationship and problems already. Dump and move on, this isn't worth wasting time on.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 03/04/2021 12:03

Today she admitted she was grumpy because she thought I didn't want to see her and not because I was ill. I really hope this is just a one off

OP posts:

Wanderlusto · 03/04/2021 12:09

Did she actually admit mentioning the girl to get a reaction? If so, then run for the fucking hills!

If she just said she was grumpy...still a red flag.
If it's not enough for you to bolt then I'd say it should be a case of one more strike and she is out.

It's really only four months in op...

And she is starting to sound clingy and controlling.

Original poster

Givemethechocolate · 03/04/2021 12:19

No she didn't mention the girl at all.
I think if one more thing happens then it's over. I've been with controlling and abusive people in the past and I've done so much work to get to where I am now. I can't let myself be dragged into a toxic relationship again.

OP posts:

Wanderlusto · 03/04/2021 12:50

Yeah I think I would take a step back and slow things down a bit and keep an eye on it. Any more hint of manipulative behaviour and 'thanks but no thanks'. Once may be a misunderstanding/miscommunication but if your gut doesn't like something twice, run.

Tomyoneandonly · 03/04/2021 13:53

No no none can MAKE YOU JEALOUS. You are either jealous yourself or not at all. If my partner did the same would I be jealous NO as jealousy is a killer. I think she has brought issues to the surface and they are your issues. Although your partner doesn't sound very nice. You have only been with her for 4 months. If you don't like what you have seen and heard get rid you've not wasted years of your life to find out what she is like. You know now.

GoToSleepBabyPlease · 05/04/2021 16:26

No no none can MAKE YOU JEALOUS.

They can try though, and that's what the OP asked about.

Lovedove · 05/04/2021 16:41

I think she was grumpy with you and text that girl as she felt rejected and sought out someone who would give her a boost ( plus make you jealous) bit of a coincidence it all happened the same time. If that’s her reaction to any sign of rejection (which she was wrong about anyway, as you were ill) it’s a red flag 🚩

billy1966 · 05/04/2021 16:42

She sounds like really hard work OP.

Well done for doing so much work on yourself.

Protect that work and yourself.

Tomyoneandonly · 05/04/2021 17:24

Honestly if someone tries to impose jealousy upon you they are of bad energy. Don't waste your time with them.

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