A year ago I met an older man who seemed funny mature kind and I thought he would be really good for me. For the first 3 months it was all good conversation laughing and making me feel special. it felt like we found this balance and we both said how we felt like we clicked really quickly. For me it felt like the real deal. Slow but positive. I've got two young children so for me it was about was dating for a couple of years and just enjoying each other's company. Nothing scary like moving in or marriage. But at the same time love and respect.
I started noticing little changes in him a few months back. It felt like whenever I wanted to talk about the future he would accuse me of being insecure or overthinking. He started putting me down a little bit in subtle ways but would compliment me 10 times afterwards. I started to realise that nothing was quite what it seemed with him. he always seemed to bring up other women and he was always avoiding these women. They were always strange women that had came onto him and made him uncomfortable. He also had this constant need to bring up his ex-girlfriend. I knew that they they were still friendly in some shape or form. because it was 2 years ago they split I tried to see it as a friendship with no threats. I've seen realised and been told his manly urges ruined that relationship and he's never gotten over her.
three times since January he's blown off at me when I've offered him time to himself when he's being grumpy. also the final time was because he started looking at another woman's photos on Facebook. he likes a lot of different pictures but it was quite clear with this particular woman she was somebody new he had noticed. He was liking several of her pictures in the middle of the night.
When I tried to have a conversation with him about this he deleted her then refused to discuss it with me further when I questioned him further. This resulted in me being dumped 4 weeks ago now. In the four weeks of silence I spoke with a women he often mentioned (a so called stalker) it turns out he's been in touch with her and lied to me about her. She's also now cut ties with him and we both have been supporting eachother as he's messed both of our heads up. At the weekend he contacted me and all my feelings felt like they were gone. I told myself I needed to speak to him for closure to move on on as I felt I needed to get the control back for myself. Over the couple of days we were talking I realised I no longer loved this man and most feelings were gone. I felt like I couldn't trust any of his words. I also realised he had re-added the woman on Facebook whilst we was not talking which is so childish. On Monday I gave him an ultimatum. I told him we could speak on the phone about everything or move on. I also told him we needed to be 100-percent clear on what we wanted from each other going forward. When he answered the phone as soon as I asked him what he wanted he flipped at me. I think he was kicking off at me for the best part of an hour. Not just kicking off in a normal way, in a way where I was concerned for his mental health. He said he didn't need anybody and he didn't care about anybody. Then he was saying he loved me and wanted to see me but I always pushed us apart. Then he was saying I would never make him happy and that me, his ex and another women were nothing to him. He just kept going on and on about not needing anything and not caring and being happy alone. I argued with him that he didn't mean that. I told him he needed therapy and to clear his head. As he was clearly not coping and his reaction was extreme and not healthy. I contacted his cousin as he has a history of suicide attempts and drink issues (a year sober) . His cousin told me she's also had to walk away abit and loves him but feels he never listens and she sent take anymore. She's told me he's a sod to women and wishes he could see how he affects people.
It's been Five days since he flipped at me. I know he's not right for me. I know it's over. I'm just struggling to process what's happened to me. I have always had positive relationships with my parents and friends. My children's dad was a positive relationship that just turned into friends. So I've never experienced this sort of manipulation and lies before. He has broken me this last 6 months especially. I have given him a couple of chances and I've lost all my feelings as I say. But I am just now thinking about him constantly in a negative way instead. I've tried so hard to keep busy and I do feel lighter without him. I feel less stressed. But he's still in my head 24/7 and I can't escape.
There's so much more than I can write in here. But I just hope someone with experience can tell me how to keep building up again as I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster of happy, sad and teary.
Thanks for reading.