Male friend being creepy

YoniAndGuy · 02/04/2021 13:32

Um I think I’d be starting from the point that this creep isn’t a friend- so why would you be planning to see him again? Seriously - stop and think - this genuinely is not a friend, right?

Admittedly if you’ve got friends in common etc it might not be that easy, but I’d simply blank him now, no messages, then when he messaged I’d be totally blunt. ‘Sorry Nigel, I don’t fancy another walk where I’m basically being creeped on. Not really my idea of a friendship actually. Oh and if you’re going to mess that partner of yours around, don’t be surprised when that blows up in your face too. Maybe stick to walks with just (male friend) for now? You never know, he might be up for some tantric time with you instead, lol’

CaesarsDream · 02/04/2021 13:35

Block, delete, move on.

It seems more and more of these 'types' are coming out of woodwork the longer lockdown goes on for.

This is a classic case of male entitlement and it's disgusting.

CaesarsDream · 02/04/2021 13:38

@YoniAndGuy

I disagree. The OP shouldn't have to explain to him that his behaviour is wholly inappropriate. In any friendship this ought to be a deal breaker if you value yourself enough/have healthy boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate.

YoniAndGuy · 02/04/2021 13:39

Oh yes Caesars, absolutely agree! She owes him fuck all. She could also literally just block!

Original poster

Zig27 · 02/04/2021 13:42

I think the problem is when we met 8 years ago we had very similar interests which he liked so he asked me out early on and I said no. We stayed friends because we have a big social circle with the same friends so it is hard to avoid him. Plus he was easygoing and we could talk about the similar interests. I have had this problem before with men getting rejected by me but still push their luck years later. They must be desperate still trying it on years later - they don't respect themselves or my decision.

OP posts:

wingsnthat · 02/04/2021 13:44

You just have to distance yourself

Surely your friends would understand, you’ve been close for 8+ years so they wouldn’t mind seeing you without him if he makes you uncomfortable

picklemewalnuts · 02/04/2021 13:49

@Zig27

I think the problem is when we met 8 years ago we had very similar interests which he liked so he asked me out early on and I said no. We stayed friends because we have a big social circle with the same friends so it is hard to avoid him. Plus he was easygoing and we could talk about the similar interests. I have had this problem before with men getting rejected by me but still push their luck years later. They must be desperate still trying it on years later - they don't respect themselves or my decision.

So it's the challenge, and a refusal to take no for an answer. He's playing what he would call the long game.

Ditch him, he's disrespectful and frankly untrustworthy. Be careful though, do you have mutual friends? He'll badmouth you. Either drop him very slowly or quietly, or confide in a few people first.

Ruminating2020 · 02/04/2021 13:58

@Zig27

I have a male friend who I saw on a walk yesterday. He is in his 40s and has a partner who he has been with for a year. She lives about a 40 minute drive away and is studying to be a nurse. Yesterday we went for a walk which I and another friend has asked how his relationship is going he avoided the subject then admit he does not see it going anywhere.

Yesterday after our friend left the walk early, this guy starts to ask if I would go to tantric workshops with him. He says I could keep my clothes on and that people only go as far as with what they comfortable with. I just changed the subject and said I would only do yoga retreats. Why does he think it is ok to objectify me like that?

I also found it very disrespectful to his partner as she Facetimed him on the walk which he showed her the phone to the guy who was also on our walk and to say hello but he did not say or show that I was there. He really doesn't respect this lady he is with and it's sad because she sounded so lovely on the phone and clearly likes him.

What is the best response if he tries this cr*p again with me. He said he doesn't believe in affairs and yet is trying to instigate an emotional affair. I would never date him as he is not my type and lacks boundaries.

@Zig27 Does his name begin with an L? That is exactly what he said to me "I don't believe in affairs" about a week before he declared his feelings to me making it clear that actually he did want something more.

Your instincts are spot on and I would just cut him off out of your life to be honest. He's not a true friend to treat you like that and given he lacks boundaries, he will not respect yours.

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 14:01

He is not your friend.

He is a creep who disrespect you and disrespect women.

HE doesnt have a problem with boundaries. You do. You allow yours to be walked over.

Block him on everything and never meet him again.

Yoi dont set boundaries for other ppl, you set them for yourself. He is crossing them.(plus he is a cunt) so you walk away. You don't owe him any reason, it's obvious why.

If you feel he may not leave you alone then simply message 'upon consideration, your suggestions yesterday were highly inappropriate. We will not be meeting again' then block him.

CaesarsDream · 02/04/2021 14:02

It doesn't matter how long you have known him. Why do you feel obligated to him? You are allowed to choose who you associate with/to be selective who let into your own little world.

You're not attracted to him, he keeps forcing himself on you, he makes suggestions that make you feel uncomfortable, he puts on a facade that he's a nice guy.

Essentially he's a creep. Distance yourself as much as possible. Protect your peace.

LaBellina · 02/04/2021 14:02

I think this ‘friendship’ is past its expiry date and it’s time to move on.
No need to block just let it fizzle out.

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2021 14:10

Wanderlusto

He is not your friend.

*He is a creep

THIS

billy1966 · 02/04/2021 14:11

@Wanderlusto

He is not your friend.

He is a creep who disrespect you and disrespect women.

HE doesnt have a problem with boundaries. You do. You allow yours to be walked over.

Block him on everything and never meet him again.

Yoi dont set boundaries for other ppl, you set them for yourself. He is crossing them.(plus he is a cunt) so you walk away. You don't owe him any reason, it's obvious why.

If you feel he may not leave you alone then simply message 'upon consideration, your suggestions yesterday were highly inappropriate. We will not be meeting again' then block him.

This.

He's a sleeze.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 02/04/2021 14:15

I don’t think anyone who treated his partner shoddily or tried to blur my boundaries with pish about tantric (and ‘allowing’ me to keep my clothes on) would be friend material.

I’d be off. And although it would be tempting to let it fizzle, I think I’d feel the need to tell him he was a creepy mess.

Wanderlusto · 02/04/2021 14:31

Just a thought op, in remaining 'friends' with someone who you know treats his partner like shit, you are condoning it.

Marineboy67 · 02/04/2021 14:32

Don't be letting him down gently, a firm response is the best way forward. If I was you I'd say 'Fuck that shit I can't think of anything worse'

Shaz786o · 02/04/2021 15:57

He’s no friend op.