Would this worry you? Hiding text.

[Rainbowchoc]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 9 months. We are both mid 30s. I have 2 DC from a previous relationship, boyfriend has 1 DS from a previous relationship.

I thought things were going really well. He is the kindest, loveliest, loving, affectionate, fun man I've ever known. About 2 months ago at his suggestion we met each other's kids. Every other weekend we have started to go for a walk with them and they all get on really well. A few days ago he suggested that this weekend him and his DS come round and spend some time in the garden with us. All great.

But, last night when he was here he got a text message from a woman's name I am not familiar with. Normally he gets the odd message from family or friends I know of and he happily reads and reply's in front of me. But not with this text. He must of read it and replied when he was having a shower as another text from her came a bit later while we were eating dinner. He didn't read it in front of me but must have read it a bit later in private again while he was getting ready for bed. I assume he must have text her back again as when he got to bed he put his phone on the floor instead of the bedside table... so vibrations from texts wouldn't be heard.

I am having massive worries about who this is and why he seemed to be so secretive about it. He acted his normal affectionate self with me that night and this morning but I am getting so anxious about it. Do you think I should be worried? I guess I should have asked him about it when it happened but I do trust him, at least I thought I did, but my mind is going into overdrive. I am not going to see him till Saturday now so I'm going to be stressing about this for the next couple of days and now I'm convinced he is going to cancel our plans and dump me.

"I am having massive worries"

"I am getting so anxious"

"my mind is going into overdrive"

"I'm going to be stressing about this"

"I'm convinced he is going to cancel our plans and dump me"

Feeling this way - whether or not there is foundation - is not healthy.

Ah poor you OP it's horrible when a man makes you feel like this. Agree with PP. Trust your gut....its always right. Ask him who it is. Could it just be his child's mum?

Think you just need to upfront and ask him and telling him how it's making you feel. It's either something or nothing.

That’s your axe to grind sarahlou - the OP has every right to investigate a change in behaviour with regards to a man she’s getting to know, and maybe you need to reflect on why you defaulted to that perspective, which takes the onus off male behaviour and onto female self-blame.

I'm just here wondering how you know who the text is from to begin with. Do you really know who every single text is from? Are you always really THAT close to each other? Are you always looking? That for me is the issue here, that you feel at the get go that you seem to know who every text is from. I have nothing to hide but I don't read out texts or responses from my phone, because they're messages to me.

Ok just seen he doesn't read the messages out. But I don't even like taking phone calls in front of other people because they're personal to me but also I don't feel like other people should be subjected to my chat with my friends or family. I don't like listening in on other people's phone calls as well, just find it distracting. And I'm the same with messages, even right next to someone I hold my phone up to reply, and also wouldn't take kindly if I felt someone was looking at me as I read or replied.

@AtrociousCircumstance - are you reading the same post as I am?

The man got one text from an unknown woman. The OP doesn't know if he read it or if he replied to it.

He then got another text from the same woman. The OP doesn't know if he read it or if he replied to it.

He later put his phone on the floor. James Bond he is not.

That is it. His behaviour didn't change; "He acted his normal affectionate self with me that night and this morning"

Everything else may or may not be a construct of the OP's imagination and is causing her a lot of distress which isn't healthy (or maybe you think it is?)

*woman unknown to the OP

Absolutely trust your gut, also if you’re not serious enough to feel comfortable being like “who is Susan?!” When the message pops up - you’re not serious enough to meet each other’s children. Have you discussed being exclusive yet? If messages ever pop up on my DP’s phone and I am concerned, I ask him who it is and he has always so far just showed me the messages (I feel foolish when it’s a completely platonic text/relative/work chat - but laugh it off - I’d much rather this that getting myself into a tizzy wondering if it’s a lover ).

I would be suspicious. I think you should be close enough to tackle this. I would have no qualms asking my partner about this. Trust your instincts xxx

Update - we were in bed together last night and while we were having sex his phone vibrated. A bit later on he went to the bathroom and so I had a look, and it was from her. When he came back into the bedroom I asked who she was and he said 'someone I know from years ago, she texts me sometimes'. He is still coming round to mine tonight after work and was his usual self towards me this morning.

I don't know what to think, I guess I don't have any choice but to trust him. I am a big overthinker though. I would love to have a sneaky look at their messages but that would be pretty much impossible.

Yes, you do have a choice. You can ask (not accuse) him if this woman is someone you should be concerned about - just say that if there are complications with an ex (if that's what he tells you she is) you'd prefer to step back from the relationship for now.

@moanieleminx

Why doesn't he just turn the vibrations off? That's what I do (as notifications drive me insane...)

he wants to be able to look over the side of the bed and see if anything has come in without her noticing !