New relationship

[user1489870574]

Hey ladies hoping someone can help shed some light as I've been single for 5 years and I'm not used to this.

I have just started seeing somebody and he has a child which I find difficult anyway (not sure if relevant). Some background. And we've not been seeing each other too long and I feel like my feelings aren't too strong at the moment.

We had a little disagreement because I feel like he doesn't communicate with me sometimes it wasn't an argument but went on for longer as I feel like he wasn't understanding my point not sure if he still does, I think it'll be better to discuss when I see him.

But I got upset and I seem to anytime we have a deep discussion or any little disagreement and I'm not sure if this means anything. Considering in general I don't feel like my feelings are too strong yet. Then I feel like this every time I'm not sure if this means anything or just that I'm an emotional mess lol. Hoping someone can help a little.

Thanks

Hope I haven't bored you all

Do you feel like he diesnt listen to your point of view? Or needs to tell you its 'wrong' ?If you feel he snubs, dismisses or creates disagreement with you out of thin air then maybe your body is sensing and reacting to that.

It could be your gut is telling you he is bad news and to get yourself away from him asap.

You are not in a committed relationship and say your feelings for this guy don't run deep. Why worry about it? It isn't that important.

Be cool, have him as a friend and remember there are others out there with whom you may be more compatible.

Also, heads up, it's common for abusers to look at you as if they "just dont get it's when you are making a perfectly valid and obvious point. Its to get you to second guess yourself. And get you thinking 'if only I could explain things the right way he would understand'. Basically a manipulation to make you think you have the issues, not him.

If you are having to have disagreements and deep discussions about communicating properly or understanding each other having only recently just met and started dating, things are not going to get better. You’re going to get increasingly frustrated with him, and he with you. You can’t force somebody to do and see things the way you think they should. Call it off bow so that you aren’t returning in three or four months time to tell us that you’re now having bigger arguments because he doesn’t communicate as you want him to but you don’t think you can leave because you love him.

Wow I didn't expect this response ladies

I was thinking I'm just overly emotional lol

I don't think he intentionally meant it as he's had a lot going on different projects etc and we are in lockdown still in the Uk

I will definitely keep my whits about me and keep an eye on it in case is it a bigger issues I just think it's miscommunication and misunderstanding

Tbh op even if it is just miscommunication then if its early days, why not just walk away. If someone has you in tears within the first few months, for any reason, they are not a keeper.

Does it not just mean we have fell hard fast? I feel like he's honestly one of the best men I've came across he's amazing in many ways I wouldn't want to let him go like that. I'm such a rookie now after being single for 5 years.

No op, relationship communication should be as easy as breathing.

Has he been 'love bombing' you?

Oh and by love bombing I mean any of these things (will try link) :www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing

www.healthline.com/health/love-bombing

Hey wander

I don't feel like he's overly done any of those only a normal amount of compliments and not any gifts really only paying fit some meals lol

That's good then. Was just wondering if he moved a bit fast and it was a whirlwind so that youd get attached too soon and subsequently overlook things you shouldnt.

How has your mood been in general lately, could it be you're a wee bit depressed/stressed so things that shouldnt be a big deal, are?

Just be aware of never finding yourself explaining why obviously hurtful things are hurtful. You should never have to do that for anyone. They know. And watch out for anyone telling you your opinions or beliefs are wrong. Basically just read up on how to spot abusive behaviours. Its handy to know them when dating.

But maybe worth seeing a gp if you've found yourself a bit weepy lately?

Though I suspect that if it only happens with him..
then he is the cause.

I have just started seeing somebody and he has a child which I find difficult anyway (not sure if relevant

Everything else is irrelevant you struggle with thr fact he has a child this relationship is doomed and will go no where get out now.

Tbh I regularly cry over tv shows and yes I always said I would never date anyone with a child not my ideal scenario at all but I guess these things happen

But you also said 'its early days' op so why continue to walk into a situation that is not right for you with your eyes open?

I'll give you an example: I was dating someone for about 5 months recently and he was great, but he drank too much in my opinion. At least, too much for my liking. So he was not compatable. I could see that in the future it would be a big problem for me as it was already something that I was starting to feel uncomfortable about.

So I walked away. And I dont regret it. Because he was nice but not the one for me because I was not ok with his drinking. Someone can be the most amazing person ever but if you are compromising your boundaries for them then they are not right for you.

If you are accepting stuff you are not ok with when you are newly dating someone...what kind of shit will you accept when real feelings develop?

You dont like the fact he has a kid. That's a big deal op. And reason enough on its own to make him unsuitable.

You've found out early that he is not right for you. Fancying him or him being great in other ways, does not change that.

There shouldn't be that many disagreements, could be a sign you're not that compatible

Guys there's really not been that many disagreements this is the second. And we had about two deep chats where I got upset but I think that's just when I think about my shit life I get upset lol idk as I'm not where I want to be. It's crazy these responses I've had from you guys. I'm really thankful but I didn't expect it. I am out of all the friends I've had and known the one that would put up with the least shit and all this to me is nothing, I know friends that have put up with all sorts which I would never let get that far personally. He does a lot for me already and he is always there for me and my best friend. He's willing to help in any way my mum just had her house done and he's helped out loads and my mum thinks he's great and I get on well with his parents. I'm not sure I just don't see it all as that big of a deal I was more thinking with me being upset do I subconsciously have more feelings that I feel I do. But maybe that isn't the case? Didn't expect to write such a long message sorry ladies haha, thank you so much for all responses

Why did you ask for opinions, if you just wanted people to tell you that this was normal? There will be countless women here who have all experienced relationships which started out with “disagreements” and “communication issues”, and know that things don’t get better, however much you want to think they do and these are just little wobbles on the road to romantic bliss. That you have friends who “put up with all sorts” from their boyfriend just demonstrates that your social barometer isn’t very helpful. Having a relationship which isn’t quite as shit as your friends’ relationships, doesn’t mean you have a good relationship.

You do you. I will eat my proverbial hat if you two are still together in a year. Or perhaps you will be, except you’ll still be having arguments and you’ll be upset with him because he doesn’t behave as you want him to and he’ll be frustrated with you because he told you right from the start that he was who he was.

If all this is nothing to you then you’ll be able to go forward and prove that wrong, and I hope that’s the case.