Depressing and illogical

[KinseyWinsey]

My dad (15) called my dd (13) a stupid fucking bitch today. To her face.

Why? Because she googled that barracuda don't eat fish eggs as shown in the film Finding Nemo.

Ds (15) had said barracuda eat anything and her googling apparently refuted that. Hence the insult.

So nasty.

He's said he's not sorry because it's inevitable someone else is going to call her that anyway. Wtf?

His logic is bizarre, twisted and dark.

Is this normal teenage bollocks? Right now, I'm really struggling to even like him because he's so unpleasant to us all.

My brother and I were absolutely vile to each other as teenagers. We both said and did some awful stuff. We grew out of it as we matured!

What's the discipline process? Think I'd be removing his internet privileges for the week tbh.

I mean if theres never any consequence for swearing at his little sister then he's going to continue to take the piss like that.

I'm not one for rules or tough love but it's your house and if he hasn't realised at 15 that that shit is unacceptable I'd suspect youd been a bit TOO lenient to date.

Nope. I'm really strict actually. He just doesn't give a shit. Literally.

Plus he's prone to smashing things up. Setting fire to things. Refusing to go to school when it suites him. He's a real diamond.

Really looking forward to him leaving home. I find his behaviour and attitude disgusting. No punishment or discipline changes it.

Totally normal. I am on to teens of 17,15,14 and nearly 13...... Looking forward your dd will have great resilience to similar lads in the future
. My sensitive dd gave as good as she got verbally in year 7. Didn't know she had it in her!! The joys of having 8 x dbros I guess... I do always tell them they can't speak to each other like that. They are nice to each other as a rule. But they do get on each others nerves from time to time. Especially in 2020..

Just saw your latest post. Setting fires needs looking into op..have you spoken to a GP /school?

Oh he's seen counsellors. 5 of them. They all think he's amazing. 🙄

He just says he doesn't see why he shouldn't have his own way. I confiscated his weights once and that's when he set fire to stuff like books and clothes in the garden.

And no, I don't think it will make dd more resilient.

It will make her more accepting of low standards of behaviour from males. Because she's used to contempt and abuse from her brother.

They think he’s amazing in what way? What do they say about the fires and violence?

Can I suggest you concentrate on supporting your DD? I'm sure you are doing all you can to control your son, but ultimately you are limited.

Your DD however- you can do all sorts. You don't have to condone his behaviour even if you can't stop it. You can apologise that she is exposed to his abusive behaviour, and ensure she knows that if he were not your son /her brother you would be better able to protect her.

You can organise counselling for her, do lots of positive activities with her etc.

Ultimately he can't win because you and your DD can build a strong relationship and build a life that he won't be part of.

The fires a d violence are more recent. The counsellors have all said he's a lovely boy, very intelligent etc. None of them addressed my concerns of his constant rage and hostility.

And yes, I've been supporting dd. She's surly and hostile too now. She was a really sweet kid and now she's just waiting to be put down.

I do not understand ds. His instincts seem to be for unkindness and anger. Since he was 2 he's had massive rages. No rages now. Just cold vicious words.

Since he was 2? So would that be when she was born? If so, it looks as though what you’re dealing with is very longstanding resentment at another child appearing.
I wouldn’t tolerate words like that between mine if it was repeated and hostile rather than an occasional windup.
I’m no psychologist but is he trying to establish control over the household? If so, this has to be addressed firmly. You are the parent, he is the child. He doesn’t get to say what is an acceptable way to speak to his sister in your home. Do you pay for his phone ? That’s what I would target with mine first if I was dealing with this.

Hard as it is to like him can you try to see the 2 year old inside?

He is still your little boy.

Sounds like a very longstanding difficulty that he needs help with.

You've got totally polarised and who can blame you given how hideous he can be.

His behaviour probably reflects how he feels about himself.

Impulsivity, Aggression, Machiavellianism are all scoring factors on a psychopathy checklist and it sounds like he's scoring highly in these unfortunately