Have just found out my MIL and SIL have lied to me, I'm upset

[Monkeybar]

Will be brief. My in laws are quite well off. Me and DH aren't. My SIL has recently had a baby, and went private. WHen MIL first told me that SIL was going private, she said that she (SIL) had had a windfall. SIL also, when I asked her if I should start saving up in case I ever got preg again, said that she'd done it as cheaply as she could. Have just found out (accidentally from mutual friend) that in laws have paid for her to go private. I am NOT upset that they have chosen to give their dd the chance of private treatment, after all, what they do with their money is up to them. I AM upset that they have been blatantly lying to me about it. Mutual friend said that when my MIL told her about her dd going provate, she said that she'd offered the same to me, but I'd turned her down!! Maybe this should be in AIBU? Oooh, I feel better for having got that off my chest!

I'd be mightily P'd off too. As you say, it's the lying that hurts the most.

Did you ask how SIL had afforded the private care? I'm guessing not... I'm guessing MIL just said about the windfall because she felt guilty. They sound a pretty daft bunch, to have let a third party know the truth!

Will look for your reply later.... promised DH I'd shut this down 5 mins ago!

So did she offer the same to you?

I'd be upset too at the lying. Oh well, you have one over them, if they ever get on their high horse about morals or something, remind them what liars they are.

Monkeybar - presume DH didn't turn her down on your behalf without you knowing?

Ah I hate liars!

But there is a chance that your MIL was boasting about helping but in fact she was lying??

I don't recall her offering the same to me - and I think I would have done! Although she did say something once about was I going to go private, so maybe in her own mind she DID offer it to me - although as they are DH's parents they would have to actually say 'would you like us to pay for you to go private?' in order for me to say yes please or no thanks, rather than an oblique reference which would mean I would have to ask them if they would. There is a possibility that DH could have turned them down on my behalf, I suppose. But if that's the case, why did MIL feel that she had to lie about SIL using windfall money? (which DH also said she had got at the time it happened, so I don't think that's another lie!) It just gets me worried again about how my ds will get pushed aside once the favourite child produces a grandson (rather than my dh)

I hate the twisted bitter feeling tahat I've now got, and I am SO transparent when it comes to my feelings being hurt that I don't know how I can not let it show next time I see them

Well, it is a private matter between the two of them, and none of your business whether they paid for her or not - though i realise that it is not the central point.

Technically, I suppose, SIL did have a windfall - from her parents! And maybe she did do it as cheaply as possible. I would be annoyed that MIL told the mutual friend that she had offered it to you, but you can't say anyhting becuase then there will be difficulty between your ILs and mutual friend etc etc.

Shrug it off.....and if you have another baby, and want to go private, get your DH to ask outright if they would be prepared to help you.

Personally, I wouldn't allow this to cause a rift or family argument

well the fact that she's lied means she didn't offer you the choice. she clearly feels uncomfortable about it.

as upsetting as it is, try to move on and look forward to your private treatment if you decide to have another child!

I agree with Blu - it isn't really something that you were ENTITLED to know and they probably wanted to keep it from you in case you felt jealous. Is your SIL your MIL's child?

Yeah, that might add insult to injury. Whilst the PILs might feel they would like to offer private treatment to their own dd (as opposed to a dil), it would p* me off if the sil is a dil too! (Too many acronyms here!)
And actually, rightly or wrongly, I think it would niggle me even if not. Your dh is their child too, after all, and it's their grandchild. I've never verbalised to anyone that it's niggled me for years, deep down, that my mil (who I've always adored), contributed towards private school fees for other grandchildren, but not ours. On paper, I can't complain, but quietly........

blimey, that would almightily piss me off too, tbh.
the paying, and the lying.
rude, and stupid. and insulting.
YANBU

Thanks ladies!