okay, so I've been dumped .....

[stuckinthemud]

by a guy I've been having an on/off relationship for the last couple of years. Trouble is, I see this guy a lot at work and socially. I am horribly hurt but putting on a brave face. The question is, how do I handle seeing him in public. Do I maintain a cool, aloof attitude (not me at all in reality), do I act like nothing has happened between us and continue to be friendly, do I try to avoid him as much as possible (difficult)?

Naturally, he would like us 'to still be friends' Any advice (apart from 'don't shit on your own doorstep as its too late, obviously )?

Oh blimey, I'm not really in a position to give advice (see my I hate men thread) but someone on my thread posted a fantastic link that I wish I'd had straight away.. I will find it for you . and post it.. otherwise all I can say is don't do what I did lol

A lovely poster called CityLover posted this for me on my thread, I don't know if it will help you or not but here

act like nothing happened. and try to move on as quickly as possible.

keep your chin up girl!

try and hold on to your self respect, don't look needy or heartbroken etc. try and pull it together and show him what he lost!

also, you say it was on/off - now it is 'off' perhaps you will find time to meet someone to have a more 'on' relationship with!

Thanks! Am trying very hard to remember I'm worth more than this. Its so hard, although partly my own fault as I knew he wasn't looking for a relationship when I met him. I thought I could be terribly mature and handle it but I was wrong. I also though he would change which was my big mistake

Mascara, your link made me smile - its true that there's nothing so off-putting as someone desperately throwing themselves at you!

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stuckinthemud, really bad luck - horrible having the person you've broken up with still in the vicinity and having to do the brave face thing. I think polite-but-distant is the way to go - acting distant should help you build up some distance, emotionally, too. And at this point it is all about maintaining dignity/self-respect, so you don't look back and cringe in three months when you're feeling better. Control the things you're able to control, would be my advice.

And take it easy, look after yourself and so forth. The highs and lows of on-off are so draining - I'm sure you're better off out of it in the long run ...

hmmm yes I am beginning to think that it might have been harvested from the numerous publications written by 'experts' on this subject.

Clearly I think the advice is good but I also think that it flies in the face of a good honest dialogue which seems to be impossible in relationships between some men and women. Find that sad.

FWIW I am itching to contact my ex bf but am sittig tight.

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giraffeski. But I did think there was some good advice there, regardless of its psychic sources! LoveandSqualour, I think you are spot on actually about the nature of an 'on/off' relationship. I spent (and am still spending) so much time wondering why he didn't call or get in touch, and although the highs were fantastic, there were a lot more lows . I am sure there are much nicer ways to live.