Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you date this man if you were looking for long term relationship?

29 replies

ConfusedHurt · 31/03/2021 09:50

Mid-50s, never married, string of 2-year relationships that he ended, most recent ending 6 weeks ago, appears emotionally unavailable?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 31/03/2021 09:57

Trick question?
Of course I would and hope I’ll change him.
Oops - April 1 isn’t today yet...

Firenight · 31/03/2021 10:01

Depends on the chemistry. Sometimes it's worth the short term and if it doesn't Work out, you take from that what you've enjoyed.

Gizmo2020 · 31/03/2021 10:07

Run, don’t walk 😂
I did, he was early 50’s, never married nor had children.
Turns out there was a reason why he hadn’t. He emotionally abused me for 3 years before I somehow found the strength to leave.
I’m 6 months out. The damage he did was immense. I will never make that mistake again.
He broke me. He was evil, cruel and manipulative. The mask slipped about 4 months after we’d starting seeing each other.

I’d be very careful OP

KarensChoppyBob · 31/03/2021 10:08

No. My bio dad does this, always has. He's early 60s and never had a relationship that lasted to 3 years, but never single just moved onto the next. I feel for them but they're never going to believe me are they, if mention it in what is essentially the honeymoon phase?

diwrnachoflleyn · 31/03/2021 10:08

NO. I'm not interested in wasting my time.

Babdoc · 31/03/2021 10:09

OP, do you really need to ask?!

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 31/03/2021 10:10

Sign me up!

ALittleBitConfused1 · 31/03/2021 10:19

If I was looking for a relationship then of course not. If he's still repeating the same mistakes at 50 he ain't changing now. I come across a fair dew men like this in their 40s and early 50s when I dated. They quite often have a pattern of moving in with the woman within months then it always ends within 2 years (but usually alot sooner). Then single for a very short time before moving onto to do the same but just with a different woman, definitely not for me. But then I wouldn't have dated anyone who was only single for 6 weeks, that's simply a man who is unable to be on their own and adult successfully alone, never attractive.

AnyFucker · 31/03/2021 10:20

Only if I were desperate to get my head fucked up

category12 · 31/03/2021 10:28

appears emotionally unavailable

Of course not. Unless I was a masochist.

Or completely self deluded and thought my love was finally the magic that would cure the poor damaged man.

Original poster
ConfusedHurt · 31/03/2021 10:51

Thanks all. I'll stay well clear.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 31/03/2021 12:32

I would date him if I liked him and enjoyed his company, why not? I wouldn't date him exclusively if I was hoping for a permanent relationship though.

luciles · 31/03/2021 12:40

Sounds absolutely fantastic

ThereforeIAm · 31/03/2021 12:47

Why would he change at his stage of life?

Beamur · 31/03/2021 12:49

Big nope from me.
I wouldn't believe him either if he said it would be different with you or he'd changed..

Nonmaquillee · 31/03/2021 12:50

Not on your nelly.

LaBellina · 31/03/2021 12:53

I would be put off by the ‘emotionally unavailable’ otoh how long have you known each other for? Presumably no more then 6 weeks so I can’t blame him for taking things slow. But if your gut feeling tells you he’s not relationship material let him go, it’s still easy to do this now.

bitheby · 31/03/2021 12:55

Not if they've only been single for 6 weeks. Screams that it doesn't matter who the other person is, just wants to be with someone for sex until he gets bored.

Gilda152 · 31/03/2021 12:57

I'm not sure you know. My DH was the one who had had a string of short term relationships and moved in with women etc. Sounded shit on paper. However, we married when he was 40, I was 46, that was almost 4 years ago now and he's fine, we're fine and very happy. That being said disclaimer we have been together almost 7 years married 4 and have never lived together, so maybe he just met a woman who didn't want him to move in or to move in with him for quite a few year and thought that's the one for me haha!

We are in the process of getting a house together so watch this space it might go to shit when we do!

People can and do change but it's highly unlikely at 50 that he's going to be a completely different person to who he has been all his life. If that's not for you, then get out of it now.

BY contrast though my ex was very emotionally unavailable to me but is now settled down with a baby with a woman 20 years younger he was 45 (when we split) so I think people level out and settle down when the set up is just right for them and not a minute before.

Tanfastic · 31/03/2021 13:00

No, I wouldn't. Fuck that.

Teatimes2 · 31/03/2021 13:01

This guy is 56 though. You said your husband settled down at 40. This guy has had numerous between 40 to 56.

dudsville · 31/03/2021 13:01

I agree with pp's "trick question"! This it's a no brainer op.

ScarfaceCwaw · 31/03/2021 13:03

Unless his cock was made of solid gold, why would you?

Teatimes2 · 31/03/2021 13:04

Posted too soon ... has had numerous between 40 to 56 or 55 or thereabouts. OP said he's mid 50s.

updownroundandround · 31/03/2021 13:22

Don't be ridiculous ffs.

No-one with an ounce of self worth or intelligence would touch a guy like that with someone else's 10ft pole !