To not tell dp I'm speaking to my mum again

[shas19]

Dp suffers from bipolar I'm sure of it. Regular outbursts, refuses help, doesnt remember what hes said in arguments and moods can switch up in seconds. Ive had no relationship with my mum for nearly 3 years but yday I ended up calling her and we met up. I still have some issues with my mum but atm I'm going through cervical cancer treatment and dealing with an unpredictable partner. He wont let my mum see our son or daughter, and I know for a fact hes going to fly off the handle when I tell him I've seen my mum. Is it possible to just not tell him? Have a casual relationship with my mum and let her see the kids without him knowing. I just domt know what to do

This is a red flag. It's very controlling of him to not let you see your Mum and for you to feel you have to do it in secret.

Theres a back story of my mum and him not getting on at all. She treated my son and daughter differently favouring my son, lied about things and kicked us out of the house she was never living in when my daughter was only 3months old and has told alot of lies. I'm in such a shit situation

I don't think the chdren can have a relationship with your mum without your partner knowing. Maybe just you but nevertheless this seems very wrong that his mental health dictates your relationship with your mum at such a hard time for you. Is he seeking help for his problems?

He says hes going to speak to the dr this week but who knows. I cant stand any of this

From your description, he doesn't sound like he has bipolar at all. He's sounds controlling and nasty (neither of which are hallmarks of bipolar). There is a bigger problem for you to deal with here...

He definitely has bipolar or some sort of mental disorder.

It doesn't sound you like have anyone in your life you can really turn to for support. Be careful reaching out to your mum and don't let her play her games with your children again. You know your partner best and if he needs medical support then help him get it. But don't forget yourself in all of this mess because you need supporting too.

I'm stuck in such a shit situation. I'm regretting calling her and seeing her. My son doesn't even remember her, I think maybe tell her I need to help him first then start seeing her again

That might be for the best, you have a full plate right now and getting stuck in the middle between a mentally ill partner and a toxic parent isn't going to help you. I understand why you wanted to reach out though. I hope you have other people in your life who can support you because you do deserve that love and support.

I am bipolar, diagnosed for over 20 years...and none of what you have described is bipolar. Just sounds bad tempered and controlling to me.

@shas19

Theres a back story of my mum and him not getting on at all. She treated my son and daughter differently favouring my son, lied about things and kicked us out of the house she was never living in when my daughter was only 3months old and has told alot of lies. I'm in such a shit situation

He maybe shit about other things but he’s completely right that your children shouldn’t be around your mum. Why would you bring your children around someone who has/will hurt them?

I don't blame him for not wanting the kids and you around your mum tbh. I would be honest with him and tell him that you would like to have a relationship with your mum but will see how it goes before involving the children.

I don't think what you've said makes him controlling or nasty. How is he with you otherwise?

You've gone from one terrible relationship to another. You need counselling to work out what a healthy relationship looks like.

Even if your dh's behaviours are caused by mental health issues, it doesn't mean you should stick out the relationship. It sounds abusive, and whatever the cause, the effect on you is the same. And the effect on your children will be the same.

You really need to think about whether this is the life you want to lead and more importantly, whether it's a suitable environment to raise your children. They need to be your priority, not the man or the relationship.

Whether you have a relationship with your mother is up to you, and not his to dictate. (She doesn't sound great and if she was controlling/emotionally abusive in your childhood, it's likely she set you up to fall into similar relationships.) But it's not his decision, it's yours.

I think you should reach out to domestic abuse services in your area and speak about how isolated you are and how you are being treated.

This isn’t bipolar disorder.

My dp ex is bipolar . Has ups and downs. The behaviour you have described does not sound like bi polar from my experience as an outsider looking in.

It sounds like you need your mum’s support to leave him

You are going through cancer. You need your mum.
I don't think you can allow her to see the children in secret- children can't keep secrets like that.
It is positive that your dh is planning to seek medical help.

Despite her toxic past, you have the right to try and build a relationship with her. Especially with what you are going through.

Your dh needs to understand this. If the doesn't, then he doesn't deserve you.

If his moods swing into rages in seconds it's very unlikely that he has bipolar disorder. You may want to google EUPD ( Emotionally unstable personality disorder) and decide what to do from there

He sounds abusive. Controlling. Being emotionally abusive and using aggression to control you (not wanting him to lose his temper). Gas lighting you by saying he didn't do or say things he did. I would bet he gets "depressed" and stops talking to you too when you've upset him... no, that's called sulking.