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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is OLD really that bad?

17 replies

Happycat1212 · 30/03/2021 23:04

Starting to think I will be single forever! I’m a lone parent so I don’t get to meet anyone even precovid. I’ve been single for 4 years now and I would really like to meet someone but all I’ve heard is how awful OLD is and to avoid it like the plague. Is it really that awful?! I’ve never actually tried it but wouldn’t have any other way of meeting someone

OP posts:

Unreasonabubble · 30/03/2021 23:08

You may have to kiss a lot of toads. The Frog Princes seem in short supply.

In all honesty, I have tried OLD several times and never has it produced anyone worth bothering about. It is mainly men who want a much younger partner but they themselves are pretty decrepit but think they are God's gift to (desperate) women.

Having said that, there will be lots of posters on here who say that they met their DH/DP on OLD and are very happy.

It takes allsorts. Good luck!

Jennifer2r · 30/03/2021 23:17

Treat it like a way to meet new people, and it's fun. One thing to remember is that the same men who are single offline are on dating apps too, it's not a separate breed of people!

Sakurami · 31/03/2021 08:02

Be very choosy and when chatting to men do it like you would a friend. If it is someone you would click with as a friend then meet and see if there is enough there to meet again and see if an attraction develops.

I met lots of really nice men, had some short relationships and now am with the most amazing person ever.

But i was in no rush and always would rather be single than in a bad relationship. I I didn't meet with many though. So in 3 years of old, I probably had about 7 dates and am on my 3rd relationship out of those.

I had to really like them as a person to want to meet them and chatted for at least a few weeks to a month before meeting them.

relaxandchill · 31/03/2021 08:57

@Unreasonabubble that is exactly how I would describe the last guy I briefly dated on OLD

I've tried OLD and I've had a few dates over the last 7 months. There are some decent guys on there but seem few and far between. It's a way of meeting people when you don't normally in everyday circumstances. It's worth a go, but keep open-minded about it all and definitely follow your gut instinct. Good luck

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 31/03/2021 10:43

Thanks everyone, I still feel nervous about it! It’s so hard to get back into things when you’ve been single for so long 😏

OP posts:

havecourage8bekind · 31/03/2021 11:05

I've just joined this weekend and treating it as a bit of fun. Got a few dates lined up, not expecting too much but why shouldn't we get out there and meet people x

wishywashy6 · 31/03/2021 12:44

Yes it's horrific but if you're prepared to wade through the shit and can laugh at the weirdos, morons and penis wielders then you may find someone you actually like!

My friends signed me up for it as a 'laugh' so I never had any expectations or hopes for it. I just thought of it as a way of meeting & chatting with new people. I think if you don't take it too seriously you have a better chance on there! Went on quite a few dates which were mostly terrible but provided funny stories to tell my friends

Eventually started talking with someone on Badoo (which in general is full of absolute crackpots). He was the only guy who didn't try to shift the conversation onto sex/ his genitals which I thought was a plus point so I agreed to a date with him.... we've been together nearly 3 years now

I know quite a few couples who have met through OLD too so it does happen.

Good luck!

Gracie70 · 31/03/2021 13:03

I agree - treat it like a bit of fun to start with. There really are all sorts out there, just like real life!
I had a few dates and some interesting experiences, definitely helps to be able to say No Thanks.

I met my partner on Tinder. We’ve been living together for a year now and I really couldn’t be happier.

StephenBelafonte · 31/03/2021 13:51

The quality of the men on OLD sites is absolutely dire. And MANY of them are partnered up even if they don't admit it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 31/03/2021 13:57

It takes allsorts. Good luck!

If you are on there, and are presumably normal, there must be normal blokes on there whose best chance of meeting someone is online. Stands to logic doesn't it. They can't all be idiots. I think you have to be discerning. If they put you off in the initial stages, don't pursue it. I found it easier to weed them out online. Some of them were really stupid and had profile photos taken in bedrooms with a heavy female influence, like jewellery etc. Only makes it easier to edit those ones out. You only need one good one. It's a numbers game.

PLAYJAJADINGDONG · 31/03/2021 14:20

It's only bad if you entertain the imbeciles on there, in my experience.

I wasn't willing to. I set up a great profile and then just sat back and waited. Deleted and blocked every single person who sent either a boring "Hi, how r u huni" or a creepy sexual opening message. Didn't send any first messages myself. Didn't respond to anyone who was topless or wrangling a pike in their profile.

Only spoke to those who put effort in/whose messages proved that they'd read my profile and got what I was about. Went on a couple of dates with two lovely guys who weren't for me, had one false start with a date canceller who I can now see was definitely attached/married and then a few weeks later DP messaged me and I just knew reading his first message that he was who I had been waiting for ☺️.

So to sum up, yes it probably is awful if you talk to/go on dates with the weirdos on there. Be selective.

AdventureCode · 31/03/2021 14:41

I'm a lone parent too and no its definitely not all awful.
I went on Match and only spoke with those I'd swiped on and they had swiped on me, I ignored the unsolicited messages. I then went on a few dates with guys after chatting for a week or so if they were funny, genuinely interesting in - their messaging and who seemed to have their shit together. Some were perfectly nice but just not for me, so i don't believe they're all complete weirdo's out there. I'm now with my dp of 7ish months who I met on there who is absolutely lovely. I wouldn't have ever met him any other way but online, so I feel very lucky to have.

Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, you have to be happy within yourself, with high self esteem otherwise I imagine it could be easy pickings for abusive men. Be selective op.

Howdoesthiswork · 31/03/2021 15:42

I've just started OLD for the first time in my life and I'm 52. I'm having a few nice chats, but I'm already wary. I've talked on the phone with one and was arranging to meet when he said would it be ok to send a photo, so I wouldn't have a problem recognising him . Well, let's just say his photo on OLD must be 10 years old. To try to compensate, he then sent me an unwanted 'body shot', which he thought would make up for not looking like his photo!! I blocked at that point but we'd been chatting for a week...I won't move to Whatsapp again, but it makes me wonder how many people won't actually look like their photo...

Janaih · 31/03/2021 15:49

I've worked in OLD industry for 15 years. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Obviously it does work out for some people but the ratio of decent men to scumbags is skewed imo.
Although I have probably seen more than my fair share of bad dating behaviours due to the job so have become jaded.

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 31/03/2021 15:50

Oh no, it’s so difficult isn’t it! Just wish I could meet someone irl, it was easy when I didn’t have children but now I have no social life so no way of meeting! Before I would meet people all the time.

OP posts:

Janaih · 31/03/2021 16:04

@PLAYJAJADINGDONG's advice is good.

Captnip500 · 31/03/2021 16:28

I did online dating for a couple of years on and off, I met my partner on there 😀.

Honestly, I didn’t find it as awful as some people seem to. Don’t get me wrong, I had my fair share of weirdos, men that turned out to be married, men just looking for sex, boring dates and a good few dick pics! But there ARE good men on there too. You just have to be prepared to trudge through a lot of dross to get to them and have a thick skin. It’s worth it if you meet someone you really like and I don’t honestly see how I would be likely to meet anyone anywhere else there days.

Give it a go. Cut people out at the first sign of messing around, try and not get too invested in anyone too early and try and be talking to few different people at once. What is there to lose?

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