Ghosting/rejecting - will I be single forever?

[Danielletracey]

6 years single. Last year I decided to really put myself out there. Joined bumble (even paid for premium), paid for match.com, joined POF...
Met about 30 people throughout last year. Liked about 5, but all of them lost interested - stopped texting / ghosted me or told me I’m great but they are not ready for anything serious...
I’ve been really good friends with a man I met at work(we know each other for about 2 years- had a lunch together many times). He confessed to me he really likes me about two months ago. I was quiet happy as I found him attractive too just shy to make a first step. After two months of texting I invited him over week ago and we had sex. He now seems to ghost me as well. I feel so depressed and lonely - what am I doing wrong ?

Also add I’m 5 stones overweight so maybe that’s it? Should I loose weight before attempting to date (I don’t have a self esteem issues)? I’m so sad I can’t seem to find love... just needed to rant

You say you 'invited him over' rather than on a date could he have git the wrong idea that all you wanted was sex?

It's never wise to invite a man to your home or go to theirs early on in dating. Obviously its tricky to do other stuff atm with things being shut though.

Have you tried to message him? Ask if he is up for a walk sometime maybe?

*got

Well we know each other for 2 years and during the two months texting we both said we want relationship and he even told me he thinks I’m “the one” for him... I am just so confused. I did text him next day twice - he replied but very short answers... when he was here week ago I said I’m home Wednesday (tomorrow) and I would like to see him again - he agreed, but I don’t think it’s happening - no contact for 4 days

Hmm, seems he is a big lying phoney then.
And anyone calling you 'the one' when you have just started dating is a bit friggin full on and creepy tbf. Sounds a little like there might have been some 'love bombing'.

Do you work with him still?

No I don’t - he quit about 6 months ago ... I’m just upset that even the one I thought is crazy about me dumps me

Aww yeah its shitty. But it's not your fault, some people are just dicks. And some of us attract more than our fair share.

I don't think it's the weight thing, but if you are 5 stone over then it might be worth losing it any2ay for health purposes. Especially because people tend to put on weight when in happy relationships.

Maybe focus on making yourself the best you can be for a while.

Aww yeah its shitty. But it's not your fault, some people are just dicks. And some of us attract more than our fair share.

This. That said, you mention that whilst you dated 30, its the five that caught your eye that ended up ghosting/rejecting you. Given your recent experience with Mr Love-bombing Dick, could it be your subconciously opting for men who are emotionally unavailable (thus more likely to ghost/run/flake when things get serious)?

@Wanderlusto
I am losing weight at the moment - 7lbs down in March . Wondering if I should wait a bit until I lose some more before starting dating again....

@Anonanonon
Had to google a proper definition of “emotionally unavailable” it does sounds like it most of the guys I ever dated. But How do I attract/choose emotionally available men... it feels like they don’t exist . Thank you for pointing that out - I will be researching the term more and try to dig deep why would I choose men like that ...

One year to find a decent relationship isn't actually that long and I think it's possibly been the worst year ever to find a partner due to the pandemic.

Only date guys that are looking for a relationship, before you even go on a date find out and avoid the ones that say they are going with the flow, or 'not sure' what they are looking for, you want someone that is looking for the same as you, with certain direction in they are looking for a potential relationship.

Sorry to hear it didn't work out with the work guy but inviting him over for sex, they will take you less seriously, you've learnt that now.

Tone down the dating, seems like more you are in a rush to find someone the longer it takes, don't just date for the sake of dating, make sure you build a little connection first, a few days to a week of messaging rather than finding out on the date that you have nothing in common and you are looking for different things.
Be choosy.

Lastly you say you are overweight, as long as you are upfront with saying you are curvy and pictures are recent and not over filtered, that's all you can do, well done with the weight loss but the right one will like you regardless of your weight.

I’m honest about my body. I don’t use filters or anything and mention that I’m bigger in my profile too. I do usually text with people for week or two to see if we are compatible. I do also look for someone who is looking for relationship. But still not working . Can’t even get up from bed last two days I am so lonely and sad... it’s like nice guys don’t exist. I just deleted all the apps and taking a break ...

Sorry you're feeling sad, taking a break is definitely a good thing, I could never stay on them for long, I'm single now but no plans to start until restrictions are completely lifted, I'm hoping there'll be better choice by then too.

It's actualy a good thing, you have been free and trusting with your heart, it didn't work out, yes its not nice how they've done it but now you'll be more wary when you decide to date again, and you'll make then next one(s) work a bit harder for your interest.