I'm stuck here.

[flufflestuff]

I'm having a hard time staying in my marriage. I've posted before under different names (I name change as he has 'found' me on Mumsnet before)
Most recently was just before Christmas, where I did leave because of his recent substance abuse.

I went back because of Christmas, the impending lockdown (U.K.) and all the promises that he made. But here we are nearly 4 months on, and although he stopped drinking, hasn't 'used' (as far as I can know) our relationship is shit.
We're pretty much sexless, affection-less and he's recently started speaking to me like he does his mother - like crap.

I'm just full of anger and sadness that I put myself here, feeling very stuck. I know I could just leave, but I have no idea what that will entail, I'm a SAHM, I have been with him my entire adult life (since 18) we have a lot of debt and a little equity in the house, (his inheritance not mine) I'm just too scared to drag DC out of their lives to a complete unknown.

I'm also terrified with custody. If I leave he has no reason to not drink and use, and he will have unsupervised access to the DC. He's never had them 1 on 1 for more that a couple of hours before.
My DM has so far told me all relationships and marriages are shit, it's just what you're willing to put up with.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. Guidance? Has anyone been where I'm standing now, and what did you do?

@flufflestuff sorry to hear all of this!!!!

Don't listen to your DM, she's talking nonsense. You know he's speaking to you like crap. Would he listen if next time you said - don't speak to me like that. Even if you split up, he needs to start speaking to you better, so that you can figure stuff out. I'd suggest taking baby steps. And maybe looking into legally what are your choices, could you stay in house with kids and he leaves? Given you're the main parent, regardless of it being his house. He needs to grasp the 'what's best for the kids' thinking.

It feels like you need to get out. But maybe you need to get out of DM way of viewing things. As a human would you like to spoken to with respect or apologised to when not? Would you like sex? Affection?
And do you REALLY believe you deserve stuff like that? If not, how can that change?

If you have a daughter and she was an adult. What would your advice to her be? ............ Can you bring that advice back to yourself?

All the best x

Thank you for the advice. I've picked him up on the way he's speaking to me, (in front of Dc too) he just cuts me of with an exasperated, teenage-Esque "ugh, sorry!!" Or "I know I know!!"
I don't think he really wants to be here either, but refuses to have the marriage fail.
I don't think he'd leave the house, as there is nowhere for him to go or stay. I'm quite far from my family, but his live a lot further away.
I can't even have a conversation about it, as he changes so quickly with the apologies and promises. I don't know why I fall for it each time.