How to control my own emotions...

[Flamingo89]

I left quite a turbulent relationship with a narcissist a year and a half ago, I’ve met a really lovely man and we’ve been dating for a few months (albeit mostly virtually due to covid!) but I can’t shake the uneasy feeling in my stomach. He recently got a new job and is training alongside a woman and I’m convinced he will fall for her and leave me... this is pathetic and really unfair on him as he’s never given me any reason to distrust him. Have I moved on too quickly? Is anyone else in a battle with their own mind? How do I stop thinking everyone will treat me like I’m disposable?

Have you had some counselling to work through what happened in your previous relationship? That may be beneficial. I was previously in a relationship with a narcissist and never thought I would be happy again, I am now married to a man who would never treat me the way my Ex did. It does take time to build up trust and to love yourself again OP after you’ve been treated really poorly by someone who was supposed to love you. I wish you lots of luck in your new relationship, just remember you deserve to be happy

I did a short online course but I think maybe I should get some more. I have never really addressed the issues that were left behind I don’t think. I was quite a strong headed person before and I thought I’d just snap back into it. I know the thoughts I’m having are unhealthy but I can’t seem to shake them! Would you say you’ve fully bounced back now or are the scars always going to be there?

I too was a very strong, independent person. My friends and family were shocked at the change in me. Ending the relationship and having supportive friends and family helped me. Counselling helped me to process my thoughts and feelings. When meeting my husband I just knew he was totally different, he has never treated me poorly, I think that has really helped me to not have negative thoughts and doubts. It’s surprising how much stronger I feel now. I also know what I would not stand for again in a relationship and that helps me to feel more positive about things. It does take time to heal.

I quite understand your thoughts as I have experienced this level of anxiety, it can really eat you up inside.
Unless you want to be forever single you do have to trust in a relationship unless they give you reason not to, I mean a real reason not one that comes from imagination, he is not choosing to be with her, it's work, he does however choose to be with you. If he does break your trust then you have know how you'll deal with it.
If everything is otherwise good, you feel respected and loved by him then you need to take that leap of faith.