Condescending sister

[Choclover27]

I’m 52 and have a sister 4 years older. She has been very condescending and rude to me for the last ten years or so. Laughing at me, putting me down ( publicly) and generally being superior.
A couple of examples : turning up at my house to give me a birthday card but saying she’s been too busy to buy me a present, refusing an invitation to a dinner party I was giving because some of my friends are gay, inviting me to her party so I could give out the food, then insulting me ( saying it was obvious I was having an affair with her brother in law .... which I wasn’t , nice guy, just friends) in front of people as she was drunk
She has more money than me and doesn’t really work. I run my own business and am divorced but really happy. Ever since she sent her kids to private school she changed and I wasn’t good enough. I now have a fantastic partner, my children are all v successful and my business is going well. So because of some recent insults I have quietly pulled away. She has raged by text saying we must meet to thrash things out ( sounds like she’s spoiling for a fight to me) but I just don’t want to meet her. I feel it’s time to stand up for myself. Or should I give her one more chance?

She’s jealous.

Yeah, you know the score here, arm length and live happy

She just wants to keep on punishing you.

Don’t oblige. Keep out of punching distance.

Keep detached, distant, dignified and indifferent.

Keep withdrawing.

If she continues to “rage” at your right to live your life - block.

Some people need to put others down to stay afloat. Don’t provide the opportunity.

Roll out the ‘I love you but I don’t love your behaviour’ line

Let her rage off! I wouldn't even bother replying to her. Or if you feel the need to reply tell her you don't have time to meet, ever.

Agree - let her rage off.

Never tip toe around anyone’s threatened volatility - that’s how they control you with imminent anger ..... you end up doing and saying anything to avoid them blowing up ..... but if you emotionally prepare and protect yourself it can’t hurt or control you when she erupts.

Look at her emotional irregularities like bad weather - you can choose to weather it by wrapping up warm, going indoors and letting it pass or you can choose to move to another part of the country because you are fed up with the relentless bad weather.

YOU CHOOSE

I suspect that this dynamic has played out most of your life and its only now that when you put all of the incidents together that you see a pattern of her manipulating, exploiting and degrading you in multiple subtle ways.

Seems that the happiness in your own personal life now has provided the light for you to see this.

Thankyou all for your comments. All resonate. I shall stay quietly dignified yet removed. Far too old for confrontation!!!

Update. My sister has now done it to my mum. My mum called her out on a couple of things and she has gone nuts at her. Phone slammed down. Condescending email. Poor mum at 84 yrs old

Support your mum. Ignore your sister. She sounds like an angry horrible bitter person.

@Cherrysoup

Support your mum. Ignore your sister. She sounds like an angry horrible bitter person.

Agree.

Also shows that she is the common denominator.

Don’t take it personally.

Detach. Distance. Dignity.

Looks like she is running out of road.

Mine has been the opposite. Younger sister married to a very financially successful man. OMG! Because I had the audacity to divorce my husband, I obviously need taking care of, mentally, physically and whatevery...

There are times when family are too much!