Why are men so confusing?!

[applesaregood91]

I've been with my partner for the best part of 2 years now, we've practically been living with each other since day one.

We were talking last night and like most nights, he tells me I'm his world etc. Last night, I jokingly said that he should do something about it (put a ring on it) and his comeback was that he feels it's a little too soon.

I'm not really bothered by that, just confused as to how he can contradict himself in the same sentence.

I will talk to him about it, just curious to see how other people would feel in that situation?

I wouldn't take it to heart personally. If the rest of your relationship is going well, don't put pressure on yourselves to get married and rush into all that. You have the rest of your lives together and I'd say 2 years is quite a short time to be together before marriage. Depending on whether he or you have been married before, this can also add fears surrounding that extra level of commitment too.

Give it some time, as long as you're both on the same page for future goals and you both see marriage in your future then don't overthink the reasons why he may not quite be ready. It will come if it's meant to.

I think what would bother me more than him contradicting himself in the same sentence, is him telling me I'm "his world" - that's a shit tonne of pressure right there.

And personally, I don't think two years is too soon to decide if this is a relationship to commit to, unless you are both very young?

I would assume he was basically parroting a soda media phrase that he thinks will melt your heart and keep you sweet without it actually meaning anything at all, so if/when you push for something more, he can say he never promised you anything, blah blah...it’s a platitude. An utterly bollocks phrase. Like when people say “I love the bones of X” - usually means they don’t love them all that much but feel a sort of obliged confess towards them.

Ffs autocorrect - “social media”, not soda
And “fondness”, not confess

He's not at all confusing. He's stringing you along. Get straight in your mind what you want, tell him what it is and if he's not on the same page you respect yourself first and move on.

I would find two years too soon as well. That’s not even enough time to get out of the honeymoon period and no way would I know if I was ready to spend 30 years with someone by then! Not sure if you have other reasons for rushing, but if everything is good otherwise, I’d let it evolve without the pressure.

Your mistake was in living with someone when what you really want is to be married to someone. What was your reason for moving in with him?

Don’t drop hints OP. Makes you look desparate. If you are ready to get married and he isn’t, have a discussion and move on. Two years is short for some people, long for others. There is no rule and you are not supposed to put in a certain number of years to get a promotion.

@GravityFalls soda media is my new favorite phrase!

You are already living as husband and wife as you said you were living with him almost from day 1. Not sure what you want from marriage that you already have? Have you discussed children as it would be better to be married if that is both of your goals. He has found a nice easy lifestyle, living with this lovely lady, no commitment, not ties....no wonder he has questioned the marriage bit.

Actions speak louder than words....is he full of flowery statements that don't mean anything? I hate it when men talk bull like this but won't back it up. I think you need to ask him where he sees the future if you want marriage and kids.

Honestly, if you think this is confusing, I hope you don't meet some of my exes. He said you're his world but it's a bit too soon to get married - what is confusing about that? Two years really isn't a massive amount of time depending on your age.

I lived with my husband for a lot of years before we married, I just didn't see any point putting a ring on it rolls eyes at self for using that Marriage just wasn't important to me even though he was and is my world, they aren't mutually exclusive things.
I was totally commited to him, I wasn't stringing him along, I just never really wanted or needed a wedding or a ring. It pees me off no end when people assume those things and state it as fact.

@StephenBelafonte

Your mistake was in living with someone when what you really want is to be married to someone. What was your reason for moving in with him?

This.

As for hints, c'mon, be an adult. It certainly does not bode well for any healthy marriage if you cannot communicate directly with your boyfriend what your needs and wants are.

I would really hate to be proposed to by someone jokingly telling me to put a ring on it. Stop the hints.
Decide if you want to marry this guy. If yes, tell him. Have a straightforward conversation. Marriage is a legal and financial contract. It's not additional validation of 'love the bones off you' twaddle. If he doesn't want to, you have your answer and can decide if you want to continue seeing him.

I don’t see that as confusing tbh, the ‘you’re my world’ is just romantic chitchat, it means nothing. Actions are what matter. If he isn’t proposing to you and setting a date then he doesn’t (currently) want to marry you. Being married is a whole separate thing to your romantic relationship, it’s a legal commitment that makes you family in the eyes of the law and bonds you legally whereas currently you’re just roommates in the technical sense. He may love you dearly but not want to marry you, it’s up to you whether you’re okay with that and for how long.

I remember bemoaning to my friend when I’d been dumped ‘I just can’t believe it, he said he wanted to be with me forever’, she laughed and pointed at the flowers on her side table which were fake, her ex had given them saying his love for her would last as long as those flowers. He dumped her a while later. It’s just words, they’re largely meaningless. If commitment to you is marriage then you need to talk to him about it and decide whether you’re happy with how/where things are going.

I don’t think he’s being confusing at all. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to marry you right now. How old are you both?

justbetweenus I was engaged to now DH within 9 months of meeting him & we got married 5 months later.

He's stringing you along.

Go back to your own place to live and don't play wife for him anymore.

Why buy the cow if you’ve already got the milk. As the saying goes.

He’s got what he wants.
You.
With no legal ties in the event of split up so he doesn’t lose half his wealth in a divorce.

Work out what you want and if it’s not what he wants then one or both if you have to compromise or one walks away.

Personally two years doesn’t seem that long. Depends on your age. If you don’t want to have kids before you’re married and the clock is ticking then that’s understandable. And another conversation needing to be had.

He doesn’t see you as the forever one. You are fine to share the bills the housework and sex. But marriage? No he’s waiting to see what else is out there.
Sorry that sounds harsh but I’ve seen it time and time again.

‘You’re my world’ is NOT romantic!

Nor is going from zero to cohabiting with someone you don’t know. Nor ‘put a ring on it’.

He’s not contradicting himself: warm words about lurve are no indicator that someone is considering commitment.

I don’t personally think he’s stringing you along at all. 2 years isn’t a very long time, lots of people would feel it was too soon to get married after 2 years. Most people I know (including myself) waited at least twice that before marrying. I don’t see why there’s a rush here really, just enjoy your relationship.

What you said isn't a joke though is it. That's the problem.

It was a massive huge prod/hint.

2 years isn’t too short to know if you’re ok the same page about marriage. If he gets funny every time you mention and you really want it then may be time to have a chat and then walk away if he’s not after the same? One life and all that.