Gaming?

[munchiemunch]

Does it both you? My DH only works two days a week. Monday mornings (like now) are him sat in his dressing gown on the PS. It’s constant. He rarely spends any time with me. The kids are now gaming addicted and it’s impossible to have any kind of control or limits because daddy does it. If I get them off because they’ve spent 6 hours gaming and haven’t got dressed or gone outside, he’s still on it. I can’t tell him to come off because he’s an adult. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to him about it. I’ve tried. Nothing changes. He just gets grumpy and resentful because “they are all having fun and if I’m not it’s my problem”
It’s just a shit life though.
I didn’t have kids to spend all day everyday on my own. Weekends are gaming cafe. Fri night onwards. Late bedtimes. They absolutely adore their dad. That’s all they want to do is game with dad. If I leave they are going to choose him. Nothing I do comes close. I take them to parks, kayaking, the beach..try card games and board games. I can’t do things like baking in the house with them because dads in the other room gaming so baking cookies is boring and they’re quickly drawn back in. He works a couple of days a week and pays all the bills and does his share around the house.
I just feel unseen, dissatisfied and like I’m missing out on a “normal” parenting/childhood with my kids. I think I’m losing sense of reality. Can anyone please tell me how often your partner games, does it involve the kids, does it bother you and how do you balance it? I have a life outside my family but if that’s what I’ve got to do, focus entirely on outside hobbies and friends I might as well be single and at least get the kids a couple of weekends a month to myself to live a non gaming portion of their lives with them?
Please help and please be kind. I’m extremely distressed by the situation I’ve found myself in.
The kids gamed at least 6-8 hours each day this weekend and it was only me forcing them out of the house for a quick walk (which makes them hate me by the way) that has meant any break in that.

I understand. I'm in the same position too, partner was on it day in day out so oldest picked up the habit too. Covid of course messed up the routines with no school but now they are back I have implemented the routine again. So I say to partner he can game when kids are at school. And he can when they are asleep. I allow my son to play for 2 hours straight after school after that times up no more until the next day. You should create a routine and be firm with them even your partner, your not mean for doing it your being reasonable not wanting them all on games day in day out

I think you need to have a sit down with your Husband and tell him how you feel, it’s not healthy for him as an adult with a family to be constantly gaming. There needs to be clear boundaries set with everyone in the house that there are certain times for gaming, and your DH needs to be fully on board with that. Gaming is addictive, so I’d hazard a guess that he’s become addicted and your children are following suit, there could be an element of them having realised that gaming is the only positive input they get from their dad? I know a lot of adults that enjoy gaming but there is a time and place and all day almost every day is unhealthy and unsustainable for a marriage.

That's excessive and I can see why you find it frustrating.

DH and I both play computer games but we attend to responsibilities first. DH will go online to play with his friends in the evening.

At 6 and 8 they would get to choose who they live with so it can be 50/50. They are a bit young to give up on them. It may mean giving up on the marriage to establish some healthier limits. I suggest a serious, sit down at the table conversation with him warning him what might have to happen first but if he really won't agree to change anything then you can start getting your plans in order.