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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it him or me?

17 replies

Wakingup55643 · 29/03/2021 00:55

Say you're a man who hasn't had sex with his reasonably good looking wife for over ten years, and you get time to yourself at home while she takes the kids out on an evening. Do you
a) watch a bit of porn / have a bit of self-love
Or
b) watch documentaries about the EU referendum or some similar political thing on you tube at every bloody opportunity

Which of those would you do, as a man?

And as the wife arriving home, which one of these activities would annoy you more?

OP posts:
TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 29/03/2021 00:57

What's the reason for no sex?

Opentooffers · 29/03/2021 01:04

I think after 1 year of no sex, I wouldn't still be living with him to know what he's up to, let alone 10 years Confused

PangoPurrl · 29/03/2021 01:09

If I was the person at home I would have no desire to be 'caught out', so I would have a quick bit of self love then be parked in front of the TV ready for the arrival home of my wife, and most importantly, kids!

Ardvark111 · 29/03/2021 01:14

Mans pov here, wtf you still doing with him,?? No sex after a decade,!! Iv heard of dry spells but this is ridiculous,, That's not a loving marriage that's just house sharing between a man + a woman, you should consider sitting down and having a indepth talk with him with a possible
ultimatum on way forward ie shape up or ship out, there's always 2 sides to every story so ask what his reasons are for the way your marriage has become like this, and what he wants,?

RiverSkater · 29/03/2021 01:14

Watch a bit of porn , keep on eye out for the door.

Why no sex?

Aquamarine1029 · 29/03/2021 01:15

I think the wife needs to take stock of her life and take responsibility for her for her own happiness. What the husband is doing is irrelevant.

TedMullins · 29/03/2021 01:17

I would’ve started a discussion about the lack of sex and how to resolve it - or separate, if it can’t be resolved and neither is happy with celibacy - way sooner than 10 years in!

OldWomanSaysThis · 29/03/2021 01:29

10 years no sex and then expect it now?

user1481840227 · 29/03/2021 03:46

Well going by how these threads normally go the wife is normally furious if he masturbates or watches porn but doesn't sleep with her.....

but then there are other threads from women who have stayed in that relationship for years and normally just look at him in disgust one day when he's doing something mundane and realise they really can't stand him anymore

so i'm guessing that you're the latter

but honestly in those situations you have to take responsibility yourself and leave the relationship instead of letting all the resentment build up and living a miserable life like that.

Lovelydiscusfish · 29/03/2021 03:53

Well, I don’t see how I would know what he did while I was out, really. Or why I would care (apart from the fact that I object to porn on ethical grounds, but not really relevant here). If you haven’t had sex for 10 years, and his seemingly innocuous actions annoy you this much, perhaps time to call it a day, for both your sakes?

Monty27 · 29/03/2021 03:59

Clean the kitchen and do bacon sarnies for her return.
I'd probably kick you out as you don't sound like you just think of yourself.

Monty27 · 29/03/2021 04:01

Or his or her return.
Self indulgence isn't always a good way to go.

DancesWithCatsnDogs · 29/03/2021 07:16

I'd be more annoyed at him watching porn as that would be insulting given that you've not had sex for 10yrs! It would show me he still has desires but not with you.

Original poster
Wakingup55643 · 29/03/2021 13:53

Thanks for your replies, all. The ten year thing is a long story. I just sometimes wonder if I'm being unreasonable to get so annoyed at his politics obsession. He seems to think I totally overreact, but really, I try to keep my fury to myself. I just wondered if this was a normal thing for a man to do? i.e have no interest in sex, and would rather moon over Jacob Rees-Mogg and his gang than his wife? Or any other woman for that matter?! And to make it clear, after all this time, I'd rather moon over JRM than have sex with dh. We do need to call it a day, I've had enough. But he doesn't see that there's any problem other than me acting miserable.......

OP posts:
frutyloops · 29/03/2021 14:01

I really don't understand??

Original poster
Wakingup55643 · 29/03/2021 14:05

Sorry @frutyloops I haven't explained it very well. Because the massive long story of the situation is in my head, I think everyone knows it. I think I'm going a bit doo lally tbh... :(

OP posts:
user1481840227 · 29/03/2021 15:07

We do need to call it a day, I've had enough. But he doesn't see that there's any problem other than me acting miserable...

He doesn't need to agree with you or see that there's a problem for you to end it.

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