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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex partner being charged with stalking

14 replies

Jameson1 · 28/03/2021 22:06

Has anyone been through this? I swing between feeling really empowered by getting to this stage to absolutely crapping myself at the thought of the whole court process.
I have spent all week seriously considering retracting. I just feel lost 😞

OP posts:
Ardvark111 · 28/03/2021 22:10

Probably get a 2 year restraining order community service n court costs, if he pleads guilty you won't have to attend court, ( from a mans pov )

Hells74 · 28/03/2021 22:12

Keep going, if you don't, it will never end!! I've been in the same position as you, went to court and a he had a restraining order put on him. Didn't work initially, but after he breached it many times, he was imprisoned. Don't let him do this to you - you can do this!!! Xxx

Ardvark111 · 28/03/2021 22:13

Ps you could ask for additional requirements to RO like stay 100 yards away from your street etc. As a example, judge likely grant what you ask once convicted

Original poster
Jameson1 · 28/03/2021 22:20

@Hells74 I have got this far by just constantly reminding myself how absolutely awful my life was every day when it was happening. Because he has stuck to his bail conditions I think I am falling into a false sense of security and questioning myself and wondering if I’m doing the right thing, but you’re 100 percent correct. It will not end if I don’t pursue this. I need to keep telling myself this xxx

@Ardvark111 thank you. One of my big concerns is him receiving a custodial sentence, although he has treated me appallingly I cannot shake the part of my personality that doesn’t want to see any bad come to anyone. But on the other hand he needs to know his behaviour has been far from acceptable to say the least.

OP posts:
Ardvark111 · 28/03/2021 22:25

@jameson1 very unlikely he will get jail time if 1st offence,? If he persists to breach this order he will eventually get 6 months, as a taster, courts view breaches as a 1 / 2 fingers salute upto them

Judgedbycats · 28/03/2021 22:27

If he gets a custodial sentence its because his because of his own actions. They don't throw people in jail for nothing. Don't minimise what he's been doing to you, stay strong.

Hells74 · 28/03/2021 22:32

[quote Jameson1]@Hells74 I have got this far by just constantly reminding myself how absolutely awful my life was every day when it was happening. Because he has stuck to his bail conditions I think I am falling into a false sense of security and questioning myself and wondering if I’m doing the right thing, but you’re 100 percent correct. It will not end if I don’t pursue this. I need to keep telling myself this xxx

@Ardvark111 thank you. One of my big concerns is him receiving a custodial sentence, although he has treated me appallingly I cannot shake the part of my personality that doesn’t want to see any bad come to anyone. But on the other hand he needs to know his behaviour has been far from acceptable to say the least.[/quote]
He won't get custodial to begin with. My ex was very violent, used to hide in my garden etc. He was too stupid to stick to his restrictions, was caught by police many times before given a prison sentence.
But please don't feel guilty about whatever happens to him!! He's making your life hell I imagine and has been warned many times. Not your fault he hasn't the decency to leave you alone xx

Original poster
Jameson1 · 28/03/2021 22:44

@Ardvark111 yes first offence. Very stupidly denied all allegations upto date.
Will definitely be convicted as have emails that prove everything beyond reasonable doubt. Hopefully he will have the sense to plead guilty in court.

@Hells74 it’s so awful isn’t it. He would jump out on me in the back garden in the dark if I went out there. I am still terrified of going into my garden at night and to be honest, I haven’t actually gone out there in months not even in the daytime. He’s also violent. They have added an assault to the charges too from when the stalking first started, I retracted at the time (stupidly) but all photos of injuries and statements still available so they are going ahead with that also. I’m quite pleased about that now.

OP posts:
Lollyneenah · 28/03/2021 22:59

Keep going OP. You're an absolute legend for seeing this so far. You should be very very proud of yourself Flowers

Hells74 · 28/03/2021 23:01

[quote Jameson1]@Ardvark111 yes first offence. Very stupidly denied all allegations upto date.
Will definitely be convicted as have emails that prove everything beyond reasonable doubt. Hopefully he will have the sense to plead guilty in court.

@Hells74 it’s so awful isn’t it. He would jump out on me in the back garden in the dark if I went out there. I am still terrified of going into my garden at night and to be honest, I haven’t actually gone out there in months not even in the daytime. He’s also violent. They have added an assault to the charges too from when the stalking first started, I retracted at the time (stupidly) but all photos of injuries and statements still available so they are going ahead with that also. I’m quite pleased about that now.[/quote]
Oh I just want to give you a big hug, it's such a horrible thing to go through. But you're on the right track now and you will get your life back ❤

Shorthairlady · 28/03/2021 23:13

Do not back down on this. It happened to me. It's horrible knowing you've been stalked. Get all the protection of the law. If they end up in prison that is not your concern. I found myself in a situation where a listening device was put in my home. Never again.

SpongeCakeAddict · 28/03/2021 23:18

My partner's niece is going through this right now and we've told her it's the right thing to do. You have to go through with this if you want to move on with your life. You can do this. You deserve better. Flowers

mumof5cn · 28/03/2021 23:42

You've come this far, please please see it through. You know deep down this is the only way. I've been where you are. Stay strong darling xx

Ardvark111 · 29/03/2021 00:01

@jameson1 that's good 're emails he banged to rights by them now, shocking to hear he jumped out on you in dark that's terrible also his assualt on you. Yes CPS will include all this in prosecution You should consider asking for additional requirements should he get a RO. With police liaison or if you got legal aid / solicitor,? Bog standard RO is no direct / indirect contact with you, by any means of comms and possibly a exclusion from your street / area,? if he gets community service,? could be anything from 100 to 250 hours ( 250 hours = 2 years of probation ) which includes daily probation office appts also like i said court costs if convicted ... if mags court upto 1k.+.. If he don't learn from this he never will,!! Good luck x

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