Says he doesn’t want me but won’t leave the home...our baby is only just 1

[Fingerscrossed2018]

After years of me doing my best and looking the other way “as at least he was coming home” I finally had enough and told him so. He proceeded to tell me how I’d ruined everything and that he wanted to go. At this point our son was only 6months. 6 months later he’s still here, saying he can’t afford to go..eating my food, only paying the bills/mortgage if I ask (which is unreasonable apparently).
We’re not married but bought the house a few years back i have the majority share and he put no money in, the house was bought with my money.

What do I do? He cheats, hits, tells me I’m crazy even when I’ve seen the messages.. any advice. I can’t go on like this.’

Call the police. Get him arrested for assaulting you. Bastard.

Can you afford to buy him out? Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Oh I missed the hits bit. You can call the police and have him removed from the home, and apply for, I think, a non-molestation order and occupation order for the house to keep him out of the property while you sort out the financial/legal position over the house.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate/

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/if-you-were-living-together/your-ex-partner-is-trying-to-make-you-leave/

Police. Say you feel unsafe, have a baby in the house and you want him out.

It's your house. He can fuck off. And yes. Apply for non molestation order and occupancy.

It's your house, you're not married - great under the circumstances. Have him arrested, kick him out, then he won't be freeloading and will be having to pay you maintenance . If he can't afford it, that's not your problem and he should of thought of that and treated you with more respect. You have the upper hand here, take control.

Police. Women's Aid.

He cheats, hits

Is this a typo OP? If he's being violent to you, you seem remarkably blase about it, to a really worrying degree - like you've normalised this behaviour.

If he has hit you, if he has pushed you, if he has prevented you from leaving a room, if he has thrown things across the room, if he has hidden or broken your possessions... All of those are criminal acts and they are the mark of a dangerous man who appears to be becoming more dangerous.

Please speak to Womens Aid as soon as you can. They will help you make a plan to get away safely. He can be forced to leave the house but you will need the support of local domestic abuse organisations.

Hi all thank you.
To be fair he’s only hit me twice (not to leave bruises) I wouldn’t want to equate that to what some people go through. That’s why I didn’t call the police.
It’s more the emotional shit I can’t handle. I will speak with a solicitor and see where I stand. The thing is we go a days being civil at least for our son and my teenage daughter but then it’s gets bad again.
Cannot believe I’ve got myself in this position. Thank you for the advice x

Only hit you twice! That’s how it starts. Please don’t wait. Report him before it escalates.

@Fingerscrossed2018 I just wanted to let you know your note alone in this situation. My wife told me a year ago she didn’t love me and has since bounced back between me and OM. She is now living in our home openly dating the OM like it’s all normal and not paying anything towards the house, says she can’t find anywhere decent and can’t afford to leave yet, and yet it’s me that’s in the spare room, go figure. She’s on the mortgage so hands are tied. If he is being physical with you please call the police.

I just want to say your not going crazy trust me I feel the same way myself. It’s not a normal way to live, I hope it gets better for you soon.

Hitting you once is too much.

@feeficken
Sending you all my love and support x
I yoo end up on the sofa while he sleeps in the bed etc that I bought. It’s just another form on control. Sad times but it’ll get better.

I hear what you’re all saying about the police but that was before Christmas now. I guess I’ll have to wait and see if it happens again

You can still see a solicitor with regards to deciding what to do with the house. But speak to Women's Aid too before actioning anything the solicitor recommends.

@Fingerscrossed2018 hopefully it doesn’t happen again no excuse really. It’s crazy isn’t it I started to feel like I was the one that had done something wrong! and I think that dynamic helps them past the guilt and gives them the justification they need. I jumped straight on this post as I felt I couldn’t be the only person living like this. I hear others say their OH just left and while that would have hurt just as much and actually wished that how it had happed as this is mentally and physically exhausting and I am sure your feeling that way too and only want peace.

Will do. Thank you x

I feel like a veil has been lifted and now I see it for what it was. X