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Original poster

Is this inappropriate or am I too sensitive?

27 replies

Etherel · 27/03/2021 07:29

DP and his ex Jayne split up about 2 years ago but stayed friends (fwb while not in relationship). I have always been uncomfortable with how close they are as they talk a lot.

She recently tagged him in a stupid social media thing. "2nd person in your @ list is pregnant". Fine. Not fine, imo, her comment: "If it's a girl maybe you can call it Jayne?"

I told DP that was really inappropriate and to me constitutes flirting. He insists it was innocent and people often name kids after close friends (not that we would name a child that anyway, just a general statement). I think it's highly inappropriate from an ex to say that, even in jest.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Chocolateicelolly · 27/03/2021 07:31

Personally I wouldn't like that! Or them being friends

category12 · 27/03/2021 07:37

It just seems like a silly funny throwaway comment, not particularly flirty to me. It's not like she's saying she'd be the mother of his baby.

What this boils down to, is do you trust him or not?

If you do, stop analysing his social media.

If you don't, perhaps work out why, and if you can't, end things.

luciles · 27/03/2021 07:51

Going off what PP poster said do you trust him? If Jayne wasn't in the equation would you trust him? I wouldn't like DP to still be in connection with an ex, also, it's a very recent ex not one from many years ago. Have you spoken to him about how you feel? You might find that he's oblivious to it all whereas she still has feelings. However it could also be that he's acting dumb. This comment was just a bit silly in my opinion and I wouldn't know what to take from it. All depends on the circumstances.

Lozzerbmc · 27/03/2021 07:53

I dont think you trust him do you? Has anything else made you suspicious?

If you dont trust him end the relationship as it will only cause problems in future.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 07:57

I wouldn’t be happy about them being friends. I blocked all my exes on Facebook and would expect a boyfriend to do the same but that’s just me and I appreciate others feel differently. But then I use Facebook very personally - I only have about 30 close friends on there so I can’t imagine sharing stuff I post on there with an ex! I wouldn’t be happy in your situation.

Original poster
Etherel · 27/03/2021 07:58

We have had many conversations about the situation. She lives far away so when she comes over she stays at his.

I trust him as far as I'd trust anyone (never 100%, I've known too many cheaters in my life) and he told me if she ever tried anything on he'd throw her out and it would be the end of their friendship.

I can't shake the suspicion she still has feelings for him, for many reasons.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 07:59

She stays over at his?????!

Original poster
Etherel · 27/03/2021 08:04

His response was completely oblivious to the tag btw, he just responded he would call it pizza after its maker.

I genuinely think he can be blind to these signals. He is autistic. But she seems very subtle with little comments like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Etherel · 27/03/2021 08:04

Yes she stays over. It's a 6 hour drive from where she lives.

OP posts:
Goleor · 27/03/2021 08:07

Staying over at his would be a definite no no. Completely inappropriate

gutful · 27/03/2021 08:13

I would in no way be comfortable with that.

Does he care if you have ex boyfriends come & sleep at your place?

You are a more trusting person than me OP.

PercyTheePig · 27/03/2021 08:14

Why did they split up? How long were they together?

Palavah · 27/03/2021 08:18

How ofteb does she come over? How long does shecstay? Are you there when she does?

How is your relationship otherwise?

GroggyLegs · 27/03/2021 08:20

The comment on FB - I wouldn't give a shit, 'name it after me' is a throwaway joke.

Staying over? I wouldn't like.

Original poster
Etherel · 27/03/2021 08:21

She ended the relationship. There were lots of arguments and she wanted to try a different form of relationship. They were together for 2 1/2 years.

We have been together for about 9 months.

He is very open-minded and wouldn't care if I had male friends staying over.

OP posts:
Besom · 27/03/2021 08:21

If doesn't sound like a flirty comment to me. DH is friends wigh his ex. It took a while but I'm friends with her too now. There was a reason they split up and now I know her I can see they would not suited as partners. But they have known each ither since children and I'm not going to say he can't be friends with her.

Original poster
Etherel · 27/03/2021 08:22

They see each other every few months, but Covid means she hasn't seen him for a year now. I haven't met her yet.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/03/2021 08:23

These comments wouldn’t bother me. Remotely. Spending the night alone together, yeah I’d have a problem with that. Totally.

eatsleepread · 27/03/2021 08:24

Totally inappropriate, as this name died out in the 70s.

Wink
Wtfdoipick · 27/03/2021 08:29

@Bluntness100

These comments wouldn’t bother me. Remotely. Spending the night alone together, yeah I’d have a problem with that. Totally.
Yes but according to the op it hasn't actually happened since they've been in a relationship.

Is this really the relationship you want, can he really offer you the future you want? Are the 2 of you really on the same page with regards to attitudes and expectations?

Bluntness100 · 27/03/2021 08:34

Yes that’s true. But only due to lockdown.

Wtfdoipick · 27/03/2021 08:43

Possibly, but the op talks as if its been a regular occurrence during their relationship when it's not even been put to the test. But the comment the ex made about baby names was just being funny and I do think the op is reading too much into that. It's the sort of comment a lot of my friends would make and it would be made to both sexes, just jokey not flirty

Bluntness100 · 27/03/2021 08:45

@Wtfdoipick

Possibly, but the op talks as if its been a regular occurrence during their relationship when it's not even been put to the test. But the comment the ex made about baby names was just being funny and I do think the op is reading too much into that. It's the sort of comment a lot of my friends would make and it would be made to both sexes, just jokey not flirty
Agree with you completely.
Palavah · 27/03/2021 08:47

The FB comment wouldn't bother me either.

But she ended things after 2.5 years to they a different form of relationship ie FWB? And that carried on until when?

If they've not seen each other since you got together, is there something you're concerned about apart from the FB comment?

Usagi12 · 27/03/2021 09:18

Wouldn't be too bothered at them being friends on FB but regular messages would be a no no. Staying at his? Absolutely no way would I allow that. Totally inappropriate and would be a deal breaker for me, wouldn't give a toss she lives far away. If she's visiting there must be someone else she can stay with. Most men would see this is inappropriate, I'd be concerned he seems to think it's fine 🙄🙄

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