Time to call it quits

[Knowingitsallover]

Name changed for this as don’t want anyone in r/l recognising me.
So dh has a job he doesn’t really like anymore and they are expecting way to much, he works from 7-7 a lot of days and until at least 6 if he finishes earlier , rarely has a lunchbreak and also does work at weekends his contract is for 39 hrs
For last 6 months he is really struggling with it and this has resulted into him being miserable and grumpy and just not very nice at times. ( workload has gone up)
I have asked him to find something else , speak to work , , said if he has to take less money thats fine , even supported him just handing in his notice and having nothing , or suggested he gets signed off by the dr for a couple weeks as def showing signs of anxiety and depression mostly caused by job.
I am currently applying for new jobs as I only have a small part time job as lost mine due to covid and have a couple interviews lined up so money wise not great but I would rather temp be on benefits than dh have a heart attack or live like this any longer.
So today for about the 5th time in couple weeks after asking for help with something he has just screamed at me again.
Last few weekends have been awful with him shouting at me , even odd name calling and even packed his bag to leave.
I know he is stressed and I know he is struggling but enough is enough ,I feel as I have offered him support and only he can attempt to change the situation ,
I now want to say its me and kids or the job almost , but is that unfair ?

Only you know.

However....Its interesting that you dont name any positives. As in he's a shit right now but normally the sex is great, we have a laugh etc

It's also interesting that he's taking all his job anger out on you and he doesn't even enoy it! My ex focused heavily on work and being on call/took work anxiety out on me but he loves his job, it fed his ego and everyone is always interested in him because of it.

It's not acceptable that he screams at you. Really acknowledge that yourself. Tell him not to do that. Maybe even just send a brief 'don't do that again' text.

It sounds like he needs a new job or at least a break or holiday. Can he call in sick for a shot time? You both just really need to talk. I'd suggest sitting down and having a number of heart to heart talks. Over some time.

If he refuses to even talk to you about how he's feeling, isn't interested in your feelings and hasn't got any answers as to how to go forward. Then you have your answer I guess.

Best of luck x

No, it's not unfair. Him being stressed and hating his job is not a free pass to be abusive. He knows his job is negatively affecting him, and it's his responsibility to do something about it.

Thanks, yes talking is the way and we have had some chats and he agrees he is wrong, agrees the job is too much but its like he is scared to change it.
Then we go back to square one
I would like him to take time off sick for a week so he can step away and realise how bad its affecting him, others have noticed too the impact its having on him ,in just his general mood ( down and stresseD)
Generally he is good dh , we have been together over 20 years , he is a good dad and does a lot for us all and normally puts his family first, I think even in this he thinks he is ,as he is the breadwinner and my wages are very low ( hopefully this changes) so sees it as providing and we would struggle to pay bills etc
He does normally help around the house and do his share although due to working so much this has fallen more to me, which I don't mind as I don't do anywhere near the hrs at the moment.
I think a talk this weekend and I put my cards on table , he shouts or gets angry with me for no reason, thats it he goes as I can't walk on eggshells and can't control work situation , only he can .
I have had depression and anxiety a couple years back that hit me out of the blue, but I recognise in him the signs of this and to me no job is worth that.
I wouldn't wish my worse enemy to be in the place I was .
Which makes me seem cruel giving him an ultimatum but Im worth something too surely .

i agree with PP who said that the 'job stress' isn't a bloody 'free pass' to take his stress out on you !

You can be damn sure he'd never scream at his boss would he ??

I'd be bloody well telling him that he'd damn well BETTER have his bags packed if he ever behaves like that again ! Cos his feet wouldn't touch the ground on the bloody way out !

How dare these 'men' choose to take their anger and frustration out on their partners and actually expect to be EXCUSED FFS !!!!

Would you expect to be able to scream/ shout/ name call your DP, and then say ''It wasn't my fault ! I'm stressed out at work !''

No I wouldn't expect to shout at him at least not several times over work.
But I know when I had my mh episode I was quite hard to live with , but I sought help and tried to help myself , I think that is what I am struggling with , he isn't doing anything about it, so its clear job is more important .
No he wouldn't shout at his boss or work colleague and will put on a front for them.
I think Your right I tell him , if he takes his frustrations out on me one more time then he moves out and that whilst I will support him if he wants to seek help, change jobs etc , that doesn't extend to being the one he takes his frustration out on .