Is there such a thing as an honest man?

[Magicpaint]

Hi everyone,
I guess I just wanted to know your opinions on this question.
My ex husband wasn't/isn't honest. My boyfriend before I met my husband wasn't honest. Do they all lie just to get their own way? I just feel I can't trust anyone of the opposite sex. It's made me quite a cold hearted person towards men and that's just not me at all. I was always bubberly and friendly with everyone but just not like that now.

I know a few men who have the same view about women.

My DH is honest. Lots of people think their DH is honest so there will be plenty of MNers swooping in to say YOU NEVER TRULY KNOW which is true I guess, I can't be inside his head. But he is honest to fault, believes very strongly in not even telling white lies etc. Sometimes it means hearing slightly painful things but on the whole is awesome. When if something looks OK I know it's a true answer. If I ask if I handled something the right way again, I get an honest response. I'll take the cost of sometimes not hearing what I want to hear.

I don't think it's just a male thing. Plenty of people are manipulative and do whatever they can to get their own way, lying is just one method.

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences.

I've met a fair few that weren't liars. They were still fucking shits, but not liars lol.

I would never trust anyone 100%. Best way to avoid being disappointed or screwed over. Give them the benefit of the doubt (within reason. Always trust your gut) and if they show themselves to be anything less than decent or honest, walk.

I think there’s a few that are sincere, not many, but they can’t all be bad eggs.

Yes, plenty of honest men. And plenty of devious, manipulative, hypocritical women. You'll come across them in the workplace unless you're very lucky.

Is 50% of the human race incapable of integrity. No! Obviously you have reason to feel wary, but your sample size is way too small to apply that to everyone. Which I'm sure you realise. Maybe wondering how you can feel faith in ever meeting honest men when your cynicism levels are so high is what you're really asking. I don't know the answer to that sadly.

My DH is brutally honest if that counts 😂 One of the big things that attracts me to him. No bullshit, no mind games. I know where I stand. Almost all my boyfriends before him lied one way or another. About big stuff and small stuff. One just hated confrontation so lied to save any kind of argument. One lied about huge things (think being a spy). Another lied about not having eaten all day (but there were dishes in the sink...) and things like that. So when I met my DH and he was so honest and just spoke his mind, I loved it. Though he will say things in a nicer way if it's something like "do I look fat in this".

There are guys out there who aren't liars. But I do think they are few and far between.

Yes, people are people, your sex doesn't make you honest or dishonest. Your job is to learn how to understand people. My 1st two significant relationships were with great guys. That was down to them, I didn't have a clue what I was doing at 17 and 20. My next turned out not to be, but I still hadn't actually made a conscious choice at that stage The man I've settled with is a beautiful good soul. Don't make this into a thing about men. Learn about how to choose well.

Yes, of course there are.

But there are different sorts of honesty and dishonesty. I don’t know many people, male or female, who don’t twist the truth on occasions, sometimes for good reasons and sometimes for more selfish reasons.

I’m sorry that you’ve had two bad relationships but you’d be better off using them as learning experiences to be more alert to red flags in future, than allow them to prejudice you against men.

I think social media and phones have wrecked so many relationships. I guess affairs and stuff have always happened but now it's easier to find things out.

I recently got involved with a bloke who turned out to be a lying toxic so and so. It was because of Facebook I caught him out and found out he was a cheat. Our relationship was fresh, new and in the "honeymoon" stage but he was still messaging a women he cheated on his ex with. He also still has his ex clinging to him and he keeps looking after her still. The whole thing has really drained me and I'm now getting over the mess he kindly brought into my life.

For me personally Facebook has now been the way I've discovered cheating and lies with three different blokes. My children's dad that I was with for 9 years is literally the only man who has never had other women in the background or Cheated. So from my experience 3/4 men I've had a relationship with over 14 years were lying and cheats. Not sure if that means 80% of men are not to be trusted though. It does feel like it's hard to find one they can be honest and faithful. But as I keep saying. It's no surprise when they have all these filters and photos all over Facebook. It's so much easier to be a charmer behind a screen.

Sorry ranting now. I'll join your club lol.

My exH, he was honest and a lovely man. Just not the right man for me.
But since dating, I have met of men who say the right things to get what they want...sex usually.

I don't really know what you want us to say - of course it's not the case that there are no honest men. Surely you have a bigger sample size in your own life and your own experience of men who are decent and honest?

Two bad relationships doesn't mean anything. As Heddagarbled says, use what you learnt from those relationships to inform your future decisions - if, for example, you overlooked things you regret in the beginning of the relationships, don't repeat that mistake next time around.

I think you mean people op. People are not always honest.

I've been cheated on before, my ex couldn't tell the truth to save his life. Some people are just shite really. And I say people because a fair few women I know have instigated and pursued affairs.

I do understand that there are women out there who can be just as bad if not worse. I say men as relationship wise I've only been involved with men. Definitely the wrong ones.

The gender of a person has no relevance at all.

There are plenty of women who have been lied to and treated badly by men.

And there are plenty of men who have been lied to and treated badly by women.

Unfortunately, sometimes we can be attracted to the wrong type of person (the bad boy image for instance that can seem very exciting) and then you're drastically increasing the probability of ending up being lied to and treated badly.

My dad, my son and my DP are all honest people. I know men and women who are not honest though.

My husband is the most honest person I've ever met. It makes for a much simpler life, although it took a bit of getting used to at first. He's Russian and I once asked him, half-jokingly, if he understood what "tact" means. He said, "What, you mean like tactics?" -- and I was about to correct him when I realised he was actually right (tact is a way of trying to control the outcome).

For myself, although I am an honest person, I find it much easier to be completely truthful with people who can handle the truth. I still tend to be careful around fragile egos, which is probably silly.

Haha. No! (and I’m not bitter just wise)

there are just as many untrustable women out there as there are men,..

women just hide it better..

I think that's a rather sweeping suggestion to assume all men are liars and dishonest. As mentioned its certainly not exclusive to either gender.
I think that to an extent we can be unlucky in who we choose and also we can attract a certain type of partner. A number of women flutter when they're around 'bad boys' and become infatuated with taming them but like the danger thrill at the same time. Likewise a number of women can tease and equally manipulate men.
Unfortunately when one's been burnt a few times you can become tainted and bitter towards your opposing gender.
I think its important to measure each relationship individually rather than cast a shadow over your future.

All people lie. I don't think men lie any more than women, as a whole, although maybe they lie about different things.