Struggling with divorce even though it's what I want

[Glittergirl80]

Not really sure what I'm expecting but here goes. I told my mentally abusive selfish husband and rubbish dad to our 2 children in August I wanted to separate. This was the 3rd time I had said it but twice before be promised me the earth then
nothing changed. I don't love him and tbh any kind of physical contact made me shudder. He refused to move out, told our boys about the divorce telling them mummy wants to split the family up and to always remember that. Since then he completely ignored me, does literally nothing around the house (not that he ever really did!) nothing for the boys etc the atmosphere has been awful and boys have been struggling, the older one (they are 12 and 8) constantly telling his dad he wants him to just move out. Today I got the news i've been waiting for -he's agreed I can buy him out the house for a price i can comfortably afford and he will be moving out in next couple of weeks. So why when I've been so desperate for this have I been crying all day? I feel so guilty that at 54 (he's 13 years my senior) he has to start again i've made him leave his home and his sons (even though he's a shit dad anyway!) he has treated me and the boys horribly commenting on everything from my weight to calling me a weirdo to calling my son thick and telling them if they ever came out as gay he'll take them out the back and kick it out them!! I thought I'd have been elated with this news but I feel strangely upset. what is wrong with me?! xx

The standard answer, and I think it's right, is that you are grieving a future that might have been. It's natural, you wanted a fulfilling life with him, it hasn't happened because he hasn't lived up to it at all.
So don't deny your feelings, but don't whatever you do change your mind, he isn't what you thought. Good luck!

Grieving for the loss of the 'what could have been' (if he hadn't been such a shit).

That and it's the end of an era.

Probably a side helping of relief. But then also guilt for feeling that way because he's the boys dad.

All normal emotions. Now theres an end in site they are pouring out a bit.

Be aware that his kind like to pull the move where they promise you what you want and then pull the rug out at the last moment though. Hold it together, you're almost there. Move fast before he can change his mind.

You can do it. It is the right thing. This time next year you'll be so relieved he is gone and well on your way to a happier life.

Wow his comment 're he would kick the gay out of kids, that is abusive and shocking,!! For you Just take each day as it comes. For him he will get a roof over his head,, And your not stopping his contact with his kids.. good luck 4 future

You've had your head messed with really badly because of prolonged exposure to his horrible abuse. It's entirely natural to feel all over the place now that you're finally on the cusp of freedom.
Don't be hard on yourself for being emotional.
Just keep reminding yourself why you're doing this.
When he's gone the weight off your shoulders will be immense.
Try to access some counselling. You and your kids have been through an ordeal.
You're being brave and are so doing the right thing for your DC. Good luck

It's a normal reaction.

Totally normal. You are losing all your hopes and dreams for this relationship. The man you loved has gone. The fact that you rationally know he never really existed and the hopes and dreams were wildly over enthusiastic for what he could provide doesn’t stop you feeling sad. Divorced, knew it was totally the right decision, was still sad though at the end.... briefly!!