Does a big age gap matter?

[IsThisIt2021]

Having a conversation with a friend today has got me thinking.
Once you reach 30+, does a age gap matter? I'm not talking about 1 person being over 30 and another being under. Both over 30.

I'm torn on it but more in favour of no it doesn't. Just wondered everyone elses view?

How big is big? 14 years between me and my lovely husband and we couldn’t be happier.

I'm mid/late twenties and DH is 40, I don't imagine when I'm over 30 it'll make any more or less difference than it does now.
Either way I think it's fine if all parties are happy.

I think it depends on the couple. Someone I know has a 15 year age gap, she is 30 and he is 45. They have two small children now and she complains a lot that he is always tired, doesn't want to do anything, go out, go anywhere etc etc. Also without being unkind, he is not aging well whereas she looks about 25 (lucky her!)

I think if you are similarly aligned in life outlook and ambitions etc then an age gap doesn't matter, but if one of you is older and acts older whereas the other still has zest for life, I think that's where the problems will start.

Depends. It definitely can if, for example, a younger man is involved with a woman who can no longer have children and he decides he wants them.

Im 35 Partner 55 doesn't matter to either of us! We are both happy!

No, it doesn’t matter. (25-year gap here.)

It depends on your lifestyle and what you mean by “matters”. It matters to me that my partner is fit enough to keep up with me, and a huge age gap makes that less likely when they are a bit older. If you are both homebodies then doesn’t matter if you are 30 or 60 if you want to watch TV it home.

In general I don’t think it matters in your 30s dating someone in their 50s, but absolutely matters if you are in 50s and your partner os 70!

Thank you all for the replies. Interesting to see some of the age gaps here.

@AnaViaSalamanca
See this is what I don't understand. Surely if the relationship lasts, that 30 & 50 years old are going to be in their 50s and 70s. So is it fine for a 'short term' thing but not for long term?
I think this is where I'm torn on it. I can fully appreciate it all depends on the people involved & what their interests are etc.

My sister has been very happy for many years with her husband who is 16 years older than her. But cracks are showing now he's 70 and she's in her 50s.

The 14 years between late-DH & I wasn't an issue, we were at fairly similar life stages having both being married previously - his kids were older than mine but not massively so.

There were some cultural-timing differences, music, TV shows etc, but they weren't problematic - just something to laugh about.

We were late 30s and early 50s when we got together.
I think it changes again as you get older late 40s and early 60s would be fine, but late 50s and early 70s, etc you start to be at different stages.

I think statistically if the woman is younger there is also much more chance of being widowed young.
DH died at 58 when I was 44. I think think that's unusual, but dying in his 70s would still have left me in my 50s.

I think you only have one life to live so you should do whatever makes you happy. No point in thinking what others think.
Of course there is the chance that you could lose an older partner but I was widowed at 42 and my husband was younger. You never know what the future holds.

@Chasingsquirrels
I'm sorry to hear about your DH.

I hav been very happy for 25 years with my husband who is 14 years older. Would not change anything for the world but we are now at the point that he is planning for retirement and I will be working for another 15 years at least.

We knew this and I have always had my eyes open to the likelihood of challenges in later life. I am the one however who has had cancer and has terrible knee pain affecting my activity levels, DH is really very healthy and active!

Financially we are savers so fairly secure and plan as best we can for the fact I will probably be the one left alone. That’s one of the reasons I have always worked and pursued my own career.

You don't know what the future holds at all, and statistics are just that.
And no it doesn't matter what other people think, but the implications of why they might be thinking that are something to consider.

I was utterly devastated by DHs illness and death, but I wouldn't swap any of the time we did have together in order not to have gone through that subsequent pain.

I am now seeing someone 7 years older than me, I did a lot of soul searching on this point, but came to the conclusion that you live for now.

My 1st DH was older. I was widowed at 45.

It deeply affected our son.

@RantyAnty

My 1st DH was older. I was widowed at 45. It deeply affected our son.

That's another thing to consider.

My children weren't as deeply affected as my DH wasn't their father. It was obviously upsetting at the time, but 4 years on it has just become part of their past.

Just like @CosmicComfort, an issue might be pension ages.
8 years difference for me, and - strictly- my pensions will start at 65 while his does at 60.
Which would leave us with 13 years of him retired and me still working.
Not sure how that would go.

@Dramallamabanana

I think it depends on the couple. Someone I know has a 15 year age gap, she is 30 and he is 45. They have two small children now and she complains a lot that he is always tired, doesn't want to do anything, go out, go anywhere etc etc. Also without being unkind, he is not aging well whereas she looks about 25 (lucky her!)

I think if you are similarly aligned in life outlook and ambitions etc then an age gap doesn't matter, but if one of you is older and acts older whereas the other still has zest for life, I think that's where the problems will start.

Well, I’ve just turned 46 and probably go out and do more with my kids now than I ever did! John Bishop did his triathlon at a similar age too. Sounds more like a problem with him than with his age, unless she’s expecting him to be bungee jumping, clubbing all night or doing extreme sports or something.

I'm 30's husband 20 years older. Got together when I was 18. Cracks are showing the last 4 years but how much is down to him being older or just a twat, I'm not sure.

He has no patience whatsoever with the children or dogs or me or appliances, other drivers, things on telly. Goes straight to shouting his head off over little things rather than just a quiet word or ignoring. I think he was too set in his ways before having kids in his 40s and has never adjusted

Sex is awful, can't get it up, can't keep it up, lasts 30 seconds, doesn't do foreplay.

He wants to nap at weekends and go on driving holidays, he did all the fun things before I was born. No consideration again for three pre teens and what is fun for them when planning anything.

Wants meat and 2 veg every night for his dinner

Close minded and probably a racist homophobic etc etc won't open his eyes to anything new at all or scientific advances etc. Didn't have peanut allergies in his day etc. Doesn't believe in covid

I can't stand the cunt and will not date anybody older than me once I'm free

@Hemsbyboc was he always like this??!

We have a 16 year age gap with me being the older partner. It works for us and isn't really something either of us give a second thought to. Neither of us ever wanted children so that hasn't been an issue. We're very happy, affectionate, we like the same things, we just fit.

There is a 17 year age gap here with me being older. It was not something I was looking for at all, have never even dated anyone younger than me before, but he really is the perfect guy for me. I decided i wouldn't let people judging us stop us from being happy together. We are aware there may be challenges ahead but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. He doesn't want children at all so that isn't a concern.