Where am I going to find the strength?

[Worakls]

Evening

Some of you may have read some of my other threads about my lovely ex . To summarise, we officially separated 14 months ago but I found out 6 months before that he'd had a 3rd affair. He begged me to stay, said he'd get therapy etc. At the same time my dad had a heart attack and nearly died so I went into survival mode and looked after my dad. Anyway, in Jan 2020 I told him we were done and he moved out.
It's been a heck of a year tbh. New separation with 2 DC (now 10 and 5), covid, my dad, I lost my job and got it back... I have no family nearby.
We started as amicable split, 50/50 custody (he never did this and it soon changed to 70/30), he said I'd keep the house until youngest is 18 as he earns a 6 figure salary and I had worked part since having kids. I'm now full-time and earn about 1/3 of what he does but do all after school runs bar 1. He does pay good maintenance and half the mortgage.
Well he's now getting nasty. Well he's always been a bit nasty and very controlling. Hates not getting his own way. He has told me to sell the house and he wants the equity. We have barely any equity in at all. If we sell I can't buy anywhere round here on my salary and half the equity wouldn't be enough for a deposit anyway. He's threatened to take the kids if I can't afford a place or lie about his income if I make a fuss (owns a ltd company).. My solicitor has reassured me the courts won't allow this and in fact he probably has no rights to any of the equity. But he is nasty and shouty and he scares me.
I don't honestly think I have the strength to cope any more. I've survived the past 18 months and feel empty.
How do people manage with the stress of it all? The not knowing if I'm going to lose my house, or if he's going to stop maintenance... The angry snide comments and the "I'll get all my fucking equity". I don't deal well with confrontation and it's wearing me down 🥺

You will not lose the house. Back off from any communication with him if he's being nasty - leave it to the solicitors. Don't answer him unless practical.
He's trying it on and being a bastard.
Hope more people come along with good advice OP. But he has NO LEGS TO STAND ON. It's the marital home and you have main care of the children - it will not be taken off you.

Are you saying that you don't have your divorce and financial settlement ?

Yeah we've only managed one mediation session as he he hasn't submitted his pension request. Honestly it's soooo slow 😤

Gets a call recorder for your phone (free to download / use) to record calls with him.

Get a camera from Amazon for the house (I got a £25 home wifi cam with microphone - its excellent!) With a £15 sd card. To monitor the house and conversations he has near the house.

Then tell him he is being watched. You wont have it. And he can embarrass himself in court if he wants when you play it all during the divorce. And you're seeking a restraining order so you suggest he backs off.

Oh, and call the police on the non-emergency number to log you feel threatened..
They wont do anything but make a note. This will be vital if you want a non molestation or restraining order later.

You are strong, you can do this.
He is a bully, and all bullys just need a good reminding that you are not weak and feeble and wont be bullied. They only pick on the weak. And you are in no way weak, im sure.

😂😂😂😂😂

His pension pot will be HUGE, if it isn't get a forensic account to check out that he hasn't got additional undeclared pensions.

Starting point is 50:50 of all assets including his pension pot

Block him on your phone etc so you don't get the tirades. You could speak to the domestic violence helpline and see if you can get a non-molestation/harassment order agains him?

The courts will want to see the DC housed.

He is a nasty bully

OP, I went through similar with my ex. it was horrible.

Threatening or withholding maintenance is financial abuse. In my case (I don't know if this is the case for you) there was other abuse, and I was told that I shouldn't do mediation with an abuser. It was a huge weight of my mind not to do that. Let your solicitor do all the negotiating. Your ex is just trying to intimidate you - the Courts biggest priority will be to house and provide for the children. Having you homeless isn't in the children's interests at all.

Other than that, block calls and just communicate through a solicitor.

My ex was difficult all the way. refusing to disclose his finances, not turning up in court. But I got through it, and you will too one day. And then you can just get on with your life. You'll get there.