Issue or non issue?

[overthinker1245]

New relationship with an old friend going amazingly well.
Hadn't seen each other for a few years and then got back in touch, all is great.
About ten years ago I had a couple of silly drunk one night stands with a mutual friend of ours, a fairly good friend of his. He has no idea, I don't believe the other person would have told anyone and I haven't. It was a long time ago and no feelings involved at all.
I can't work out whether I should say anything or not. I have a feeling it wouldn't be great news for him and I really don't want to mess it up.
If it's unlikely to come up would you keep schtum or not?
I know everyone has a past and all that and in theory it shouldn't be a problem

Thankyou
I just spoke to my only friend that knows and they said pretty much the same.

A drunken skirmish a decade ago is non of his business.

If he asks you directly, answer honestly, but I really don't believe something so obviously unimportant needs mentioning.

It luck that skirmish guy is discreet.

A long meanful relationship yes, a drunken skirmish that wouldn't have occurred without alcohol...definitely not.

I agree with other posters that any man who would have a problem with a 10 year old thing is a dick.

Best of luck.

Thankyou too I need to stop worrying all the time lol

It's hard not to!

Sometimes reversing the roles in your head is helpful, you can see if it is something that would worry/upset/anger you and if so examine why.

If not it's usually not an issue - unless your moral compass is very skewed in general, but the fact that you worry(ing) so much suggests to me that your moral compass is fine!

Enjoy guilt/worry free time with your new BF

Hello, I started this thread with a name change but I'm the OP.
I couldn't take the pressure I was giving myself and told him tonight,
He wasn't remotely bothered and now I'm living with a clear conscience

Hello again! Well there you go, total non-issue that you were beating yourself up for for no reason

Glad he had a decent and normal response to you telling him too!

Why do you think you felt like this was such a big deal? Did you feel like you had done something wrong?

P.s totally sung your username, love it!

Excellent update.
Bodes well for the future.
It really isn't any of his business but if you feel better that is just great.

If he in ANY way revisits the subject, repeat it was a drunken skirmish, its none of his business and he should sling his hook if it is an issue.😁

Know your worth.
You don't have to apologise to anyone about your past.

Every good wish for the future.

Thankyou
I name changed to write the post because my posting history shows i left a nasty relationship last year and I wanted to just not read as though I had baggage.
I imagine I was worried because I've never had a nice proper relationship before and I think I was looking for the thing that was going to prove me right.
Yes he laughed and said he's glad I told him if I wanted to. And that he doesn't think he knows anyone that hasn't spent the night with this bloke lol

Don’t mention it, forget about it. If it ever comes up just say “Christ that was about a decade ago and we were pissed, I can hardly remember it” laugh snd change the subject.

[quote MrsGogolsGumbo]@overthinker1245 I am an overthinker too, however past experience with less than decent men and age (not that old!) have taught me that if I am worrying about something like this it is either because 1) the other person is giving me red flag energy and I need to rip the plaster off to find out if there is a red flag and leave if necessary OR 2) I am waaay overthinking and need to spend some time rebalancing myself and pulling my head out of the "disaster zone".

Never make yourself small for someone else. So don't offer it up, don't hide it and if it does come up watch his reaction carefully and go from there.[/quote]
I'd go with this one too.
Personally I think my dh past relationships are none of my business. Though I wouldn't lie if it came up in some way. Just be matter of fact if it does. And if he reacts badly get out of that relationship fast.

@iamtheoneandonlyyy

Thankyou I name changed to write the post because my posting history shows i left a nasty relationship last year and I wanted to just not read as though I had baggage. I imagine I was worried because I've never had a nice proper relationship before and I think I was looking for the thing that was going to prove me right. Yes he laughed and said he's glad I told him if I wanted to. And that he doesn't think he knows anyone that hasn't spent the night with this bloke lol

I get it, like a PP said you need to know your worth which is really hard to do if your relationships to date have not been healthy.

A "good" thing about having come out the other side of unhealthy relationships is that we can put more on the list of unacceptable bad behaviours, it helps build a picture of how relationships should not be.

Have you looked into the freedom project at all? It may be of help if you find yourself unsure about what is acceptable in relationships and help you spot red flags.

I have read about it and always meant to look into it further. I might just do that

Great news op 😃