Should I tell him?

[Orange1990]

Hello everyone,

First time poster etc.

Today, I discovered that the man I love is getting married. He didn't tell me, I was told by a colleague. He apparently got engaged at Christmas, but has kept it to himself for three months. I see him everyday, as we work together.

No one knows how I feel about him, least of all him, so I'm posting for advice. My other colleague told me that he will be telling me tomorrow, and I'm finding it very hard to figure out how to respond. Until two hours ago, I thought we were both single. I feel (pathetically) like I have put my life on hold for him, hoping that an opportunity would come where I could tell him how I feel.

Should I tell him? Or should I keep my feelings to myself and act blissfully happy for him. I'd welcome any advice!

You need to keep your feelings to yourself on this one.

Take a deep breath, wish him well and then move on. Be kind to yourself x

As someone who has been on the receiving end of declarations of love from a colleague whilst in a committed relationship, I would strongly advise against this.

If you truly love him, be happy for him and wish him the best.

Unless you've been dating him or something similar then best not to say anything.

Bit odd like you say it as if he owed telling you sooner or something though... is he a friend?

*that you say it as if

You can't know him that well if you didn't know he had a girlfriend or partner?

What's your love for him based on? Do you talk a lot? Do you spend a lot of time together?

He obviously likes to keep his work and private life apart if you didnt know he was in a relationship and he's not told everyone about his engagement. He likely sees your "friendship" as a work one, hes told people at work before you too so likely diesnt think of you as his closest work friend, so I wouldn't tell him because it will just make things awkward and if he'd wanted a relationship with you hed have said before. How long have you known him? Does he usually go on work do's, and talk about his private life to you?

This can't be a serious question.

It's strange your other colleague told you that you would be told tomorrow - do they know you like him?

Act happy for him when he tells you.

The guy is getting married!

FFS don't tell him you love him!

Keep it to yourself, unrequited love is the worst kind of love.
He's in love with his girlfriend and will soon to be married.
It's very painful speaking from experience but you just have to somehow find a way to suck it up.
One day someone else thats available will turn up.

Firstly, you don’t love him.

You might be a bit infatuated with him, you might have a crush on him but you absolutely categorically do not love him.
You don’t even know the most basic information about him!

Whatever fantasy you’ve concocted about him is almost all in your head, and therefore you don’t owe it to him or yourself to embarrass you both by taking this fantasy into the cold light of day.

Download Tinder and find someone to chat to to distract yourself until the feelings towards this guy pass.

But for the love of god don’t make yourself the laughing stock of your workplace by making your feelings public

@LifesNotEnidBlyton

He obviously likes to keep his work and private life apart if you didnt know he was in a relationship and he's not told everyone about his engagement. He likely sees your "friendship" as a work one, hes told people at work before you too so likely diesnt think of you as his closest work friend, so I wouldn't tell him because it will just make things awkward and if he'd wanted a relationship with you hed have said before. How long have you known him? Does he usually go on work do's, and talk about his private life to you?

I've known him for two years, we've worked together in one office for all of that time. He helped me through a bereavement last year, driving me home etc. And we always say 'love you' in a close way. I guess I just feel hurt that I obviously thought our friendship went both ways, and he didn't feel like he should tell me.

Thank you everyone for giving me some perspective, I genuinely wish him all the best, I've just conducted a fantasy life in my mind x

Don't complicate both your lives, smile and say congratulations.

Absolutely, 100% do not tell him. That way lies doom.

Erm you don’t love him. You only know a version of him. Sorry to be harsh.

Good god no. It'll be excruciatingly embarrassing for both of you.

I feel for you but seriously, what good will come of this? Do you think he'll suddenly call off the wedding...isn't going to happen.

When he tells you, congratulate him. End of. We all go through shit like this, it hurts but time heals and at least you wont have the added cringe to deal with too xx

Saying ‘love you’ to a work colleague yet not telling them you’re engaged is just plain weird!

OP with your latest update it makes me wonder if he’s a player? I can’t see how he could allow you to believe you have a close enough friendship to say love you to each other and not tell you this? I’d be really upset x

In my experience no good has ever come of me telling a man how I feel 😂 especially one who is not available.

Dont say a word. Congratulate him. Then quietly put some distance between you both.

I never understood how one can love a person they've never been with.

Some people do stuff like this at work for an ego boost op. They love attention. It’s quite telling about him that you never knew he had a gf. Why do you think that is? Fair enough it’s good to keep private life and work separate but if he liked some kind of ‘back and forth’ and chemistry then he’s actually a bit deceptive and that would come out in other negative ways if you dated him. Been there. I’ll tell you now lucky escape for you op. Honestly.

If you were going to tell him, you would have by now.

I would my dp had a bff female used to spend loads time together years down the line I found out theyd been more than friends.. people around me all knew.