Feel lost and immensely sad

[Gem8701]

Hi all,

I have moved out of my home on saturday and broke up with partner of 5 years. Me and my 3 yo LG moved into a rental.

I just feel so lost, I keep thinking I want to go home and new place doesnt feel like home.

Ex is a brilliant dad just wasnt a good partner.

Please tell me it gets easier and co parenting gets easier? She is staying with him this week and its breaking my heart not seeing her.

x

Dear OP, the end of a relationship is a grieving process, like when somebody dies, so it's normal to feel sad and lost.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to look ahead and the positives of being on your own and being able to take control of your life.

Have you got family or friends you can talk to? Maybe a chat with your mum can help?

Take each day at a time, be kind to yourself and patient with the way you're feeling. It takes time but you'll wake up one morning thinking it's all good and that you are in a good place now.

Breaking up is always hard but there's always hope that things will get better with time and you'll be able to move on.

All the best

@Malwithoutbec

Thank you for replying.

Yes it is all very strange at the moment and as I say new place doesn't feel like home, its a lot smaller than my home with ex.

Yes i hope your right, he is a good person we just weren't right for each other.

Just hoping that soon i'll feel relaxed in new place as well. Why is life never easy eh?

If you're the primary carer for your child, why be the one to move out of the family home? Surely it's better to have familiar surroundings for your child while dealing with a parent leaving. If he's a good dad then he'll pay enough maintenance for your to afford carrying on living in your home.
Also going straight into a week handing her over is a long time for both of you, she needs to get used to a routine of seeing her dad.

@seensome because its his house - his name is on the mortgage.

She is with her dad until Thursday then she will be coming to live with me. We have just done it this way so I can be getting the new house ready.

You will get used to it, the good thing about being on your own is that you can control the finances, make your new home to your taste and your daughter will adjust to visiting her dad but it can take some time, for me at least a year for me to feel like I was really getting the grips on being a new single independent woman, you will do it.

It won't feel weird for long OP, honestly it won't, it's amazing how quickly we find a new 'normal' it's just hard while the changes are happening. Best advice I can give you is try to mentally switch to autopilot for a few days, focus on getting your new place straight and making it as homely as possible and use being busy to keep your mind off the things you miss. Before you know it you will be starting to notice the things you don't miss and seeing the positives of being being out of a relationship which obviously wasn't working or making you happy.

Just hang in there for a little while, this part will pass faster than you expect and you will start to feel better and more settled. Come back here when you're sad, there's always someone around to talk to and it's a safe place to let it out. It will get better, really it will

@Weirdfan aww thank you so much. I really hope it starts to feel normal soon. My new house isn't as big as old one so that is Def going to take some adjustment. And its just weird, we where together for a long time.

@seensome thank you. I hope so. I hope you are doing well. Us Women go through a lot don't we!

Good luck, OP!
No, life is never easy, especially when juggling children and relationships.

You must have had good reasons why you needed to go in different ways. Keep reminding yourself of those reasons, and all the possibilities that will open up for you as a single woman.

Enjoy your daughter and try to focus on all the good things in life.

I know couples who have kids from previous marriages and they love the fact that the kids go with their partners every now and then or on a rota system, so they can spend quality time together. They make the most of those times.

I know it's hard to be without your child when you've probably been always together but children adapt easily to new situations. They take what's there at face value, and they know how to live in the here and now.

Make the most of your time alone and concentrate on yourself and building a good new life for you and your kid.

@Malwithoutbec

Thank you. It is going to be hard to be a single mumma as i am used to always having that support, but it will be nice to have a break on a weekend.

Yes its hard, he was such a good kind person, unfortnately there was just no spark and it was about 2 yrs since we last did anything in that department. It wasnt a healthy relationship.

I do feel a bit sad today, I guess I am grieving for the life I used to have.

You will be fine, honestly. You can't be old, you have so much life ahead of you. Give yourself time to get used to it though.

@pog100 what do you mean you cant be old?

Sorry, that wasn't clear. I meant that with the history in your OP you must still be relatively young, certainly looked at from my point of view. You have lots of time to create a better life for you and your child.

I'm 33.

try and organise nice stuff to do once you get into a routine. It's good to be out of the relationship if it wasn't right. Now you are free to 'live'