Scared to Leave... financial question

[Annapops1]

Good morning all. I've woken up again to that sinking awful feeling that I just know my marriage is over. We've been together 12 years and married for nearly 10. No children together, mine still lives at home (aged 16) and he has two but they're independent young adults.
Things haven't been great for around 5 years. 3 years ago I left the family home with my DS and rented a property for 6 months. We agreed to have a break and maintained contact and eventually we worked things out and after the six months I moved back. The reasons for me leaving were mainly around how DH treats my DS. When on our break he admitted that he was jealous of mine and DS's close bond and that he was going to change his behaviour towards him.
The other issues included him excessively cleaning, negative attitude, no hobbies and lack of sex life. Again, he agreed to work on these problems. After around 2 months DH unfortunately resumed his usual ways and we've been stuck in this situation since.
We've now not been intimate for 16 months, his negatively is really affecting my mood and I've ended up on antidepressants.
My issue is I'm not sure how much of the house equity I would be entitled to if we were to divorce. He put in 80k when we bought the house, both on the mortgage but DH has always paid it. I pay for food, all pets insurances etc, everything for DS and holidays.
Can anyone advise just what split of the house equity I'd be entitled to? There's approximately 100k and a very small mortgage that will finish in 8 years. I'd have to buy a house as I've 2 dogs and finding a rental that would allow dogs is virtually impossible.
I don't want to bleed him dry, I just want what I am entitled to so I can start my life over.
Sorry for such a long post but I was trying to get as much information in as possible. Thank you ☺️

Make an appointment to see a solicitor. Xx

Ps and when you say you dont want to bleed him dry, nobody who matters will think that. Incels, sexists and misogynists think that women "bleed men dry". You need to divide up your assets as the court rules. Repeat that a million times please 🍷👍

See a solicitor first off.

Did you ring fence your deposit? I'm not sure that will make a difference though as you're married and he's paid the mortgage. 50% is the starting point in any divorce, that includes all assets, pensions, savings and also debts regardless of who's name is on them. You have no dc together so that makes things simpler

The fact that he has always paid for it is immaterial.

Did you ringfence the deposit and does the 100k equity include that or not. I have to say I would take off the 80k even if it isnt ring fenced and then split the rest of the equity 50/50

50/50 I would say here as there are no children.

Thank you for your replies. I didn't put anything towards the deposit for the house as I was renting a house following a nasty divorce from DS's father.

You need to talk to a solicitor. My reading of all the advice here is that 12 years together with 10 married will not count as a short marriage. So assets should be shared more or less equally but also according to needs. I think you having a dependent and him not should make this more likely though I'm not clear if it not being a shared child changes that. Hopefully someone more experienced will be along but you must see an experienced solicitor.

I wonder if those who told the OP to ringfence the deposit when they thought it was OP who put it down would now be happy to say her DH should ring fence it.

I always thought it was the DH and yes I think it should be his. I imagine there is paperwork to that effect though
The fact that he paid the mortgage on the other hand is immaterial and she is entitled to 50% of the remaining equity

Agree, the deposit remains the husband's.

With no joint children I'm not sure there is an obligation for you to be housed from the marriage

@Needatan there’s always one isn’t there? I read the OP’s post as being that her DH put in the deposit. I’m sure everyone but you understood that.

See a solicitor and what you would be entitled to. Also consider how much you have contributed - food etc.

You are going to need a solicitor and mediation to sort this one out. The classic 50:50 startpoint assumes a long marriage and/or a marriage that has produced children. Yours might or might not be considered a long marriage, and it hasn’t produced children.

Gather up all the financial information you can find about your joint situation (pensions, equity, how you have managed money) before seeing your solicitor. Also have an idea of what you think is fair, and what you think your DH will expect/think is fair.

[quote FangsForTheMemory]@Needatan there’s always one isn’t there? I read the OP’s post as being that her DH put in the deposit. I’m sure everyone but you understood that.[/quote]
You weren't the only one. And since we're on it, would you advice either party to ring fence it? Or just the OP?

Of course some women “bleed men dry” and guess what some men “bleed women dry “ as plenty of former wealthy women can testify

The house is a joint one though - the fact that he appears to have paid the mortgage I dont think makes a difference because she paid for other stuff. They are both on the deeds and the mortgage.

He takes his deposit out and the remaining equity is split 50/50 - that should be straightforward enough.

Other assets I imagine given the length and no dependents would be more complicated but she hasnt asked that

Thank you for your replies. Just to confirm, DH put in 80k from his police pension lump sum. I didn't contribute towards the deposit. Nothing is written down to say that he wished to protect this however I am only asking as to what I am entitled to, not what I can "get out of him". He does get a decent police pension but again, he has contributed to this is whole working life so I have no interest in attempting to try and claim any of it. What I would need is a small deposit towards a modest 2 bed house for myself and my son to live in. We've no debt's, cars are owned (and quite old!) And I have some savings in an ISA.

Would 50% of the equity minus his deposit do that as you are certainly entitled to that

He was able to pay for the mortgage because you paid for other things. From the moment you moved it that is a joint asset of yours you lived in together. You are perfectly entitled to half of the equity (without his deposit) because you contributed to that over the time you lived together.

If he argues that then he is the one trying to bleed you dry

Unless there is a deed of Trust protecting the deposit , legally you are both entitled to 50/50 of the equity, as joint owners.

Yes, but after a short marriage with no children it would seem churlish to attempt that.

To take 50:50 of the equity but leave his pension out of it would seem a reasonable starting point.

You much would you need in order to secure your own 2 bed property? If it's less than 50% of the house equity then personally I would ask for that.

You are married for 10'years and presumably cohabited before that as well so it's not a "short" or "long" marriage.

Has the house only appreciated 20k in 10 years?

Fair would be to give him back his deposit and then share equity. What deposit would you need?

Ages are relevant...is he much older than you?

@NeedATan

I wonder if those who told the OP to ringfence the deposit when they thought it was OP who put it down would now be happy to say her DH should ring fence it.

I think we know the answer to that...

We bought the house 5 years ago. He's 10 years older than me. (46 and 56).

Could you buy a place with £10k deposit? Also, in order to achieve closure and move on, would you H give you more than £10k ? Mediation between yourselves is generally best on divorce cases. What's the minimum deposit you need to move on? I'd work that out and them work backwards.