Broken engagement

[loveloss]

On Thursday my fiancé (37M) of 4.5 years broke up with me out the blue.
Long story short he didn't feel the same anymore. There was no huge argument no nothing just a simple calm conversation of him telling me he doesn't love me anymore and that he's sorry.

I'm 27 and now living back at my parents and feel completely distraught about the whole thing, I feel lost, broken and I can't stop crying.

has anyone else ever been though something like this that can give me advice on how to get through it? I have a really supportive family but it still hurts incredibly.
I also told him to never contact me as I still love him so only I would be getting hurt.

Also thinking I should I block him incase he tries to contact me later down the line? Not sure if this would happen but it will save me heartache.

I would just like some advice on how to get through this please as I feel horrific

@longcoffeebreak, because there usually is.

It is quite possible that there isn't but if someone breaks up with you out of the blue, there is usually someone else lined up.

I think people are warning her there may be an OW to try and help her prepare for the worst. Tbh I would suspect the same as men are very unlikely to break up with their partners unless there’s an OW, women more likely to break up for other reasons.

@ClarkeGriffin, that's what he told you.

It takes courage to end a relationship when you realise that someone you planned to marry isn't someone you want to be with anymore, that you've outgrown each other or changed as a young adult versus someone approaching 40 etc and he respected you enough to tell you now not marry you and cheat on you because he was unhappy, which sounds like a lot of posters are projecting here. There's no reason to think he has done anything wrong, he wasn't committed by marriage so could leave at any point and I would take what he's said at face value. I think how he has ended things respectfully says a lot about what a lovely relationship you must have had and how much you meant to each other. One day you will be able to see how much you grew from this relationship, what lessons both positive and negative it taught you and one day you may look back on it fondly without as much pain.

For now, I'm just sorry things didn't work out. It takes time to heal. Take it easy on yourself.

I agree with those who say there isn't necessarily someone else.

I was the bridesmaid who had to ring around all the huge guest list pre-mobiles and pre email, so no mass texting or mailing possible! to call off a wedding ten days before it was due to happen because the bride realised she was making a huge mistake in marrying someone she no longer really loved. No one else was involved, and in fact she was single for several years afterwards before marrying someone else. It doesn't make the groom's heartbreak any less, but it did take courage to do it.

And one of my closest friends ended his marriage a couple of years ago out of the blue. I mean, I had known he wasn't that happy, but they both seemed to be coasting along and raising their kids companionably -- until he came back from holiday and told me he'd told his wife (on the second day of their family holiday, for God's sake!) that he wanted a divorce.

I mean, I actually blame him for marrying her in the first place he's the kind of passive guy who waits for women to tell him things and then does them, because it's easier than having to take responsibility for his own choices but again, there was no one else involved in their divorce. He's only just started dating again.

And I can't help feeling that my female friend who called it off before the wedding acted more humanely than my male friend, who got married, stayed married for years, produced two children, and then said this life didn't suit him.

None of this will make you feel any better now, OP, but it might in time. Be kind to yourself.

[quote KirstenBlest]@ClarkeGriffin, that's what he told you.[/quote]
No it's what happened. She did keep trying to get him back though, then slept with his best friend (at the time). She wasn't a smart woman.

I have known other men do similar, but at very stupid times like a pp said (2nd day of a holiday). These ones broke up with girlfriends on holiday or over Christmas. No one else in the wings, just didn't want to be with them and were too daft to know what a bad idea that was.

@ClarkeGriffin, that's ok then, but I would be wary of someone with an ex like that.

You can probably guess that I have reasons. Let's just say that he described his exes as psychopath, including me. it didn't cross my mind to shag his mate but that's quite a pleasant thought.

One ex told me there was someone else, when i don't think there was. I've done the same when a few dates became more than a few weeks and we weren't right for each other.

Holidays and Christmases are times when people split - increased expectations maybe.

@Wildern

I agree with those who say there isn't necessarily someone else.

I was the bridesmaid who had to ring around all the huge guest list pre-mobiles and pre email, so no mass texting or mailing possible! to call off a wedding ten days before it was due to happen because the bride realised she was making a huge mistake in marrying someone she no longer really loved. No one else was involved, and in fact she was single for several years afterwards before marrying someone else. It doesn't make the groom's heartbreak any less, but it did take courage to do it.

And one of my closest friends ended his marriage a couple of years ago out of the blue. I mean, I had known he wasn't that happy, but they both seemed to be coasting along and raising their kids companionably -- until he came back from holiday and told me he'd told his wife (on the second day of their family holiday, for God's sake!) that he wanted a divorce.

I mean, I actually blame him for marrying her in the first place he's the kind of passive guy who waits for women to tell him things and then does them, because it's easier than having to take responsibility for his own choices but again, there was no one else involved in their divorce. He's only just started dating again.

And I can't help feeling that my female friend who called it off before the wedding acted more humanely than my male friend, who got married, stayed married for years, produced two children, and then said this life didn't suit him.

None of this will make you feel any better now, OP, but it might in time. Be kind to yourself.

The people who are convinced nobody walks away without someone waiting in the wings have clearly been lucky enough to never have been in a relationship where they realise it just isn’t working.

[quote KirstenBlest]@ClarkeGriffin, that's ok then, but I would be wary of someone with an ex like that.

You can probably guess that I have reasons. Let's just say that he described his exes as psychopath, including me. it didn't cross my mind to shag his mate but that's quite a pleasant thought.

One ex told me there was someone else, when i don't think there was. I've done the same when a few dates became more than a few weeks and we weren't right for each other.

Holidays and Christmases are times when people split - increased expectations maybe.[/quote]
Nah I can fully get that, my ex was insane. It would be funny to find out what he says about me to his next victims/girlfriends.

My partner though, they just grew apart. He didn't talk badly about her (except the fact that she cheated but even then he never called her names). He just couldn't see them spending their lives together, and her decision to cheat really just cemented that fact.

The holiday ones I would agree with, but on Christmas eve? That's a bit cruel and you haven't even received presents yet so there's no expectation. But that guy is just particularly odd so guess it's no surprise really.

This happened to me 2 years ago. Trust me you will be fine! It seems like your world has caved in at the time but you need to give yourself space to get to know yourself again, find out who you are and what you want. Don’t do anything drastic, I was all set for leaving my job and moving away due to embarrassment but I got over it and now I’m in a new life but still near friends and family. Happy to chat

So sorry this is so hard. He has done you a favour - better now to give you a chance to find ‘the One’ Give yourself some time then make plans with your friends and try to do something nice every day. It will get easier I promise xxx

Just popping in to see how you are doing OP! Very similar thing has recently happened with me (pretty much same ages too), so have been browsing Mumsnet and Google to read all sorts of stories. I really hope you're doing well and feeling much happier now x

The only real answer to this is to other yourself. Take a life path you wouldn't have considered. Move as far away as possible. As far away from associations with this man will allow. There is no radio to it, don't try to find one. But do try to forge your own path, however hard it might feel

Hi so I’m the OP - just to update everyone on my life now. I’m now 29 and still single. Incthe 2 years I’ve been single I’ve moved 3 hours away from home for a new job.

ALSO he was cheating on me with a work colleague and that’s why it ended. She had recently been divorced and I think they had just grown close.

apologies for the late reply (I mean it has been 2 years lol). But when I found out the real reason I couldn’t even bring myself to read the comments on here, as some people had guessed correctly.

Oh wow And how did you find out he was cheating? Did you find out back then or just now?

There will be a woman trust me. Blokes rarely fall out of love unless they’ve got someone to go to x

I actually found out back then, I logged onto his Facebook and pretty much saw everything (I don’t have Facebook only Instagram). It had been going on for around 6 months behind my back. I was obviously completely devastated at the time. Honestly don’t think I’ve ever felt like that before. I dropped down to 7 and a half stone because I couldn’t even stomach food!

i’m in a much better place now and just thought I’d log back on here because I knew I still had unread comments and just wanted to update anyone who was going through the same thing that life does get better 😊.

Thanks for the update. Glad you are in a much better place.

Glad you're doing better @loveloss xx

I’m so pleased you’re doing better! What a dick, imagine if you had married him. Wishing you so much happiness x

Oh no. I stuck up for him. What a mug I am!

Glad you're doing well OP!