End of the road

[kitthekit]

Hi,

I need some advice please, perhaps, there's some here who's been in a similar situation.

I and my partner have two kids, 5 and 3. We've both agreed marriage has come to an end (Please don't ask why). Every time I bring up conversations around living arrangement moving forward, kids etc, she's always saying she can't see why we can't cohabit. Is there any other way to pass the message across apart from forcing my way out? I am really hoping we can sort things out amicably.

Thanks

No, just move out

You do not need permission to move out. But you do need to make sure the children are both emotionally and financially looked after

You need to sit down and tell her very firmly that you don’t want to continue to cohabit and need to see a solicitor or a mediator to sort things out. Presuming you jointly own the property you live in, have joint accounts etc? Could end up messy however ‘amicably’ it starts.
What happens if one or both of you wants to date in future, it’s better to sort things out once and for all. Living together will be difficult to maintain.

Thanks Suzi888,

We don't have joint account and live in a privately rented house. I have avoided getting a mortgage with her. We pay household bills together, shared as per our income. In the coming month, she'll start earning more, so moving from 30% to 50% contribution towards child maintenance should be a problem for her. Other than the kids, there isn't much connecting us at the moment.

So with maintenance she can afford to stay where she is with the children?
What’s actually stopping you from having a chat, packing up your things and leaving?
Have you sorted out things like where you intend to live, maintenance and visitation? Why does she want you to stay living together? Doesn’t make much sense.

Put simply - I am done with the marriage but she isn’t. So the conversation about maintenance, visitation etc isn’t getting anywhere, I have already told her I will be staying local (renting), mainly because of kids. We are joint tenant in the house we live at the moment so I am thinking of informing estate agent, giving them notice. We are also still legally married.

I’d say you’ll have to move out before she is going to actually realise that you are serious.
I’d still see a solicitor personally before you do anything!

from what you've shared your wife just isn't listening, hoping it'll all go away (rug sweeping). I suggest keep progressing with planning, including looking for local rental places, looking into what payments will be made etc and keep telling her what you're doing. It sounds like you are waiting for her agreement or 'permission'. You don't need it now. She'll have to face it sooner or later. Speaking to a solicitor too is important - I accessed one through work (employee assistance programme) and it didn't cost me anything, but it gave me good advice and focus for what steps needed to happen. Maybe you can too?
Good luck!