It’s been a while since I’ve been on here but I’m hoping to get some help and advice.
My partner and I have been together for around 14 years. We aren’t married. We have two children. 12 and 10. He is a recovering alcoholic of 4 years.
He has done so well in recovery and I could t be prouder. But the addiction to alcohol seems to have been replaced by an addiction to work and money. He started his own business when he got sober and it’s is doing really well. He works hard and I cannot fault him for how well he has done. Our home and life in general has benefitted and changed hugely since this life change with renovations, new kitchen, cars, rendering, holidays but it has been at the expense of our relationship.
We have no intimacy, no loving hugs or kisses - I mean we have a quick kiss to say goodbye in the mornings and sometimes a peck when he gets home, but I mean a full on passionate kiss. And if I try he plays silly and does something daft to pull away. We haven’t had sex or any sexual intimacy since June/July last year. I tried at Christmas but it was disastrous and he couldn’t get an erection.
I have put on weight and look very different to when we met when I was 18 but 14 years down the line surely that’s to be expected after 2 kids! But not being able to make my partner horny or want me physically is just making my self esteem even worse not that he ever says anything about my body or looks but then again by that i mean anything - positive or negative.
When he comes home I’m the one that makes the move for a kiss and a hug and ask him how his day was but he never asks me. Never shows an interest in my job or how I might be feeling at the end of a day.
We still get on well, laugh and joke and spend time together in the evenings watching tv but always at the opposite ends of the sofa.
There’s no hugging in bed or snuggled in the morning.
When we split before he got sober and he was fighting to win me back it was like we were teenagers again and he couldn’t get enough of me and I so miss that.
Where do I go from here? What’s happening to us?
To be fair as I write this - I know I should just be asking him this! But I think I fear the answers