SIL with baby

[Putthekettleon2021]

We visit Dp's family twice a week as we are in a support bubble with them. Our DD is 8 months old and is generally a happy baby. Dp's family love her, so she is very lucky to have family that care about her.

When we get there Dp's mum and sister usually take it in turns cuddling/playing with DD. If she gets fussy or starts reaching for me then dp's mum will always pass the baby back to me. But his sister will either try and walk away from with DD or try to settle her, sometimes till the point that she's really upset and then I'll step in and take her. She will avoid passing DD back to me at all costs or on the rare moment that I have DD in my arms, Dp's sister will walk over and put her arms out to try and get DD to reach for her. Or if I'm trying to settle DD she will walk over and ask if I 'want her to try'. I honestly don't have this problem with my own family, if DD is unhappy then they'll pass her back to me.

I get on well with dp's sister on the whole but I know when I take DD back she's not happy, I understand she's excited to be an auntie and I love that my child is loved but it's becoming too much at times. It feels like she's not happy to see me hold my child, she will physically come and take her from my arms at times without asking She is a fair bit younger than me if it makes any difference, she is 19. She makes comments about them taking DD overnight and I'm not even at the point where I am considering leaving her overnight with anyone.

So how do I politely get her to back off a little.
I don't want any confrontation, I just want to be a little more assertive.

If I speak to DP he will speak to his sister if I asked him to, but she would get really upset by it and that's not my aim at all.

Help please!

Could you say " dd is okay with me for a bit " when she tries to take her ?
Or you could try " I think dd wants her mummy pass her back " in a nice friendly way?

How are you in a bubble if none of you are single people? Do they do childcare?

My in laws used to do this id just get up in the end and go take a screaming ds from their arms

She just sounds excited and also probably thinks she's being very mature and helpful, trying to settle your baby for you so you can have a rest. I wish my DSis had been so interested and proactive in my DD.

I don't really get what the issue here is because it's your child, your SIL isn't stopping you from holding or settling your child, how could she? If you're not happy to have a rest and let SIL get on with it then just go and take your DC back and say "thanks for your help but I will sort her out" or something and take her. I think you're making an issue out of nothing

@Kattenzz

How are you in a bubble if none of you are single people? Do they do childcare?

If you have a child under 1 on a certain date you can have a support bubble regardless of if your single or not. We have a support bubble with my husbands mums household and our DD just turned 1

@Chocolateicelolly I could definitely try either of those, thank you.

@Kattenzz As DD is under 1 we are allowed a support bubble. As we live with my DM and Step dad, we decided to bubble with Dp's family.

@MeadowHay I know she is excited. Maybe she does feel like she's being helpful in some ways, but it's a little annoying that when DD wants me she will never willingly just give her to me. I have to ask. Maybe I am making more of an issue than there is.

That is annoying. I think you have to explain as nicely as possible to her that young babies need their mummy when they are upset or just take baby immediately, no argument. She will soon get the message. Some people do think they should try and settle baby and to an extent I get that but if she understands that you want to and don't expect her to try then she should give baby back! It's annoying if a baby cries and you hand it back and people immediately make comments "Like you aren't ready for a baby" "Oh you don't know what to do" etc ...maybe she is trying to avoid this! I'd also start pointing out baby won't be doing any overnights as gently as you can!

I think she is probably just trying to be helpful. Maybe she wants to give you a rest and so tries hard to settle your dd when she’s holding her, rather than hand her straight back to you at the first sign of her starting to cry, which is what most people do. I think you’re over analysing your sil’s behaviour and feel she is challenging your parenting skills, when that might not be the case.

She is 19, I think she is just trying to be helpful and be a doting auntie. She’s still a teenager just be firm if you don’t want her taking your baby, your the adult/parent in this situation.

I think she's a little jealous of the bond you and DD have and wants to the favoured Auntie that DD adores. She's just a little immature.

Perhaps reassure her with a "I'm sure once DD is older she'll think you are the best person ever rather than me"

@birdglasspen @Livelovebehappy

Thank you both.

I know she is trying to be helpful to an extent. Maybe she thinks I want a break, but I honestly don't. I hate being without her, but I let my in laws have her and pass her around because I want them to have a good relationship with her, and she adores them just at times she wants me and I'll gently have to let my SIL know that I'm fine too settle DD and don't need any help with it.

@RosieGirl27 I know she's still so young and I don't want to upset her because mostly I think her heart is in the right place. I'm happy with her having DD, I'd just like her to pass her back if she's upset or if she wants me.

@RandomMess I don't think she is jealous. I'll definitely reassure her if DD is crying that she's just a little clingy at the mo.