Single mothers with young DC who fled abuse

[superwoman232]

How are you doing now? Tell me single life is amazing. I've finally decided to leave and divorce proceedings are ongoing. I am really looking forward to buying my own home, decorating as I please, not looking at ugly furniture bought by him, not facing his hoarding and pile of crap, no mess, no pets that I hate and didn't want, doing whatever the hell I want when I want, not picking up his socks and clothes and flushing the toilet for him, not being told off for ordering take out with my own money, not washing up after him, not being verbally abused and put down, not being threatened.

Is it really like this? If so I feel I'm on my way to heaven.

Yes. It is amazing. It continues to be amazing.

You had me at flushing the toilet for him,!!

LAZY GIT,

@Ardvark111 he never flushed his piss and leaves skid marks and bits unflushed crap

I fled extreme abuse. It’s hard doing it alone, but on my hardest days; kids and myself ill or tantrums or loneliness or exhaustion or financial worry etc etc, I always ask myself the question: “would I rather be dealing with all this alone or be back with him” the answer is always the same.

It’s hard yes, but it’d be a damn sight harder if he was still with us. And we have so so much of a more loving house, no treading on eggshells, fearing someone’s moods, we are the tightest closest little team

@superwoman232 as a fella even I find that disgusting more so the 2nd 1,!! 💩 sounds like your well shot of him....

My ex kept my pet and won't give her back. I actually think I'd forgive him if he just gave me my cat back.

@raskolnikova sorry to hear it. I hate our cat and can't wait to be rid of it. He wanted to keep it but I'm the one cleaning the litter every day

I can confirm,life is good right now.Calmer,happier and and not as frightening as it was before.
I've found the courage almost 2 years ago and just regret that I was not brave enough to do it earlier(marriage,18 years of abuse).
I am positively surprised that my little ones are absolutely thriving as I was worried that they will be traumatized but it looks like it was exactly what they needed (they were 2&5 at the time,also have 2 older teenagers).
It's just so peaceful and loving at home at the moment.I just wish I could shake off my anxiety and PTSD and it will be just perfect.
Living with narcissists with psychopathic/sociopathic traits is an absolute nightmare.

It’s hard at first because it’s new. But it’s amazing.

I also fled extreme abuse. My ex is a horrific and sadistic narcissist who thought it was perfectly acceptable to punch me in the face in front of our daughter. The abuse was so bad the social services removed my daughter and I from the home and forbade me to return to the County we lived in. I left with 3 black bin liners. I fortunately had some amazing friends who supported us before we moved into our new house. It's a private rental I managed to obtain because I worked.. It took 4 weeks of sleeping on the floor with no furniture whatsoever with my DD but I didn't care as I knew we were happy and safe. Now our house is absolutely beautiful and I couldn't wish for more. My daughter knows she has a home as well which is priceless. I can only tell you it gets better xx

Everything you look forward to in your post will be yours. But most priceless of all, peace and autonomy. I have 3 kids, 2 of them under 6, and I won't lie - it is bloody hard work. But @doghairismyglitter has summed it up. There is no universe in which staying would have been the better choice.

Not good for me but that’s because I feel like he is still controlling me through the children

Yes, it's absolutely brilliant, even though it was hard at times.

Even better now that he's grown up and living independently and my life is mine to do what I want. (Not now in lockdown of course....).

Yup I fled with my son 36 years ago and still the feeling of freedom and relief, that life is a gift, has never ever left me.
He didn't get any custody rights either, there was an order in place that he shouldn't see his son until he was old enough to make up his own mind. My son now 40 was very grateful for that.

Everything you said and eating what I want and when is amazing. Hogging the tv remote is still wonderful. Music when I want, fantastic. OMG spending my own money on what I budget for, priceless.
The peace and calm and quiet is still a daily thrill.

I fled with my young daughter nearly 6 years ago. I think one of the things I liked best was being able to make my own decisions and be spontaneous.

We were in temporary accommodation before going to refuge, and my daughter asked to go to the beach, I automatically said no we couldn't, then remembered that actually we could! So we went, even though it was cold, we had a great time and went every day we were there.

Im happier now than I ever thought I could be. I LTB back in 2019 and haven't looked back.