I feel so lost...

[Sleepysooosleepy]

I've been mulling this over and over in my head for months now and I just feel so lost, I don't have any friends IRL to ask for advice.

I've been with my husband nearing 20yrs (been together since our teens), married for 10, we have 2 kids under 10.
I love my kids, I just don't love their father like I should do.
We still laugh and joke, enjoy holidays as a family, sit and watch TV together, but the intimacy is just not there for me anymore.

Ive felt that our compatibility has become nonexistent over the years; he's conventional whereas I'm more adventurous and when we've spoken about it in the past nothings come of it.
Even before kids the compatibility just wasn't matching up and when I brokered 'the conversation' we tried to work at it and ultimately had our 2nd child.

Every scenario I envisage leaves me feeling selfish for wanting something more when he's still happy with what we have.

If anyone has been through similar I'd love to hear how you worked through it, positive and negative...im just so lost right now.

Hi op, I was very unhappy in my marriage for years. I tried to talk to him, I wanted to spend more time together and to feel loved again, but he just wouldn't work at things and I still don't understand why. I was desperately unhappy during the last few years and I got very down and stopped eating and lost all my motivation for anything. I have never felt so alone. We were living separate lives in the same house and I craved support and companionship. I left him four months ago and at first I felt a great deal of relief. I started to get healthier and happier but I miss what we used to have.

I wanted it to be a trial separation but there's no going back. He's decided that's it for us and that we are better off apart. I very much wish we could give things another chance and work at our relationship but he doesn't want to. I'm trying to accept that. He says he still loves me and cares for me so I really am struggling to understand.

I couldn't carry on the way things were because it was making me ill, so I think I had to leave. I understand the worry of being selfish but our happiness and needs do matter too.

I don't know if this is any help but this is my experience so far. I've tried to think whether I could have done anything differently and I really don't know that I could. I'd spoken to him and he was unwilling to make any changes. I saw my options being to leave and take my chances, or to stay and be miserable for the rest of my life.