Marriage Breakdown - Lockdown & Pregnant

[thatwasagoodideaofyours]

This is not the first time I have posted here unfortunately.

H and I have been together for 10y. We met 1y after my divorce from my first marriage. I have one child from this previous relationship.

Things moved quickly and we moved in together within 18m.

I knew he’d had previous mental health issues (eating disorder/anxiety/low level depression) but for the first 2/3 years he seemed fine. Slowly his mental health declined and we had various hard times which we got through with counselling etc.

We had our first DC in 2016, 2017 things came to a head and I gave him an ultimatum. He moved out for a while but we worked things out, and on the whole, things have been good.

Then lockdown hit. Things became increasingly difficult in the home. Severe anxiety and depression kicking back in. He started to see a counsellor again in the Summer.

Then we had an unplanned pregnancy. I thought long and hard about whether to proceed but I just couldn’t not. He felt the same.

Unfortunately things have gone from bad to worse. He hates the world and takes this out on me. Emotional abuse, shouting, aggressive name calling. I have been frightened on a few occasions.

Yesterday things came to a head. We had a minor disagreement and I asked him to calm down (our 5 year old was witness to this) and he flipped. Throwing objects at the wall, screaming at me that I was a ‘fucking prick’ etc.
I started to cry and this seemed to make him worse so I went up to it bedroom, where I had a panic attack.

We haven’t spoke since and I feel so sad as deep down I know things are never going to get better. And I am worried about the effect on the children, not to mention bringing a third in to this absolute mess.

Luckily I have a very supportive family and friends, there are no financial concerns. I do all the home life / mental load anyway so not much will change but I don’t know how I am going to have the strength to separate.

It will be my second failed marriage at just 40, not to include the fact I’m 6m pregnant and the thought of having a newborn on top of it all really worries me.

Should I leave now, or wait until I am in a more settled place with the baby ?

@Nanny0gg possibly. It’s difficult as we’re both working from home so hard to think of where I could be going. With restrictions easing this will become easier though.

Op you’re currently being complicit in your children growing up in an abusive home, that’s child abuse in itself. If your 5 year old ever mentions to a teacher what’s going on behind closed doors, they’ll phone social services and you’ll be under investigation for failure to protect them. There are so many charities out there that can help you leave. I’m sure your family/friends would help you if they knew you needed it. It IS that easy to leave

Fuck that. He is using mental health to abuse you. My ex would say to me it was all anxiety driven. Like anxiety makes you appear to hate someone, and not be happy and stop until you have screamed such vile personal abuse at them they need to cry.

Don't fall for it like I did for too long. Pregnancy was his initial trigger too.

I’ve asked my Mum to collect the children tomorrow after school/nursery.

I’m not sure whether to ask his parents to come down (we’re very close). I’m scared of being on my own with him and how he will react.

Are you ok op?