Is it me?

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Just a quick one but I'm wondering if it is me at fault. I've had 4 long term relationships in my adult life ranging from 3 to 6 1/2 years with my exh. All but one of these relationships I ended, my marriage broke down for very good reasons although I did truly love him.
I'm struggling at the moment due to valid reasons but leaving another relationship feels like I'm failing and maybe walking away rather than fixing things and I have a child now.
How do you identity if it's you or them. Or just situational and try to fix things or not?

The past is the past, you only have the present now, and that can be exciting, fun, and full of possibilities.
We don’t have enough information to know if it’s you or them; that you are asking yourself this question is a very good sign that you are not entirely invested in blaming others.
Have you had any therapy to help you sort through past breakups? If not, you might find it very insightful.

I do think there are some people who simply aren't suited to LTRs. I'm not. I like my own company and having things my own way, and people start to grate on me after a while.

I would have been so much happier in my younger years if I'd realised this and just stuck to relatively casual relationships instead of trying to fit my square peg self into the round hole of cultural expectations.

Being better suited to single (or casual) life is not a sign of being morally inferior or superior to anyone else. It's just different and a bit unusual.

I think it depends on the reasons right. Some are red lines in the sand or red flags to a slippery slope downwards, they are relationship enders. Some are things done once but generally forgivable if remorse is shown ( unless they count as a red flag in cat 1). Yes they are difficult to get past but those are ones we work through. Sounds like in your situation the reasons were all in cat1 enders though reading between the lines of your post.

I'm the same. After the last one ended I sat and wrote out why each one ended. Then I asked my sis if she thought I had given accurate reasons.

Then she told me I just have terrible taste in men and she was secretly relieved when each relationship ended.

Being single isn't a sign of failing. That's just bossy societal pressure. Having a relationship isn't obligatory. And being in an unhappy relationship definitely isn't. Are you otherwise happy with your life? Home? Career? Health? Friends? Finances?

Thanks. Exh was a bully if didn't get his own way very successful professionally and downright vile the higher up he got. Was right thing to do. My family loved him but he was downright vile to me in the end and sagging his pa. Such a clique.
Relationship pre marrae was me, I wasn't ready to settle down and it wasn't right fit. He's with gf he met after me and veyr happy couldn't be more pleased for him. She's perfect for him.
Relationship post marriage I was ghosted. He was a twat, no idea what happened.

Finances fine. Home? Own outright as was boringly sensible when younger. Would like a posher nicer home but it's just stuff and the place I have is perfect for schools for. Ds. Job is okay moderately sucesfull and in professional middle management job. Friends I'd like to see them more but covid is in way. Have close group of 3 or 4 friends but that's it. Happy with that I think.
Health wise I'm. Okay, post birth had some injuries and bit fat lol but I'm running 5k x 3 a week now and starting swimming when I can.

I think I may be having a pity party slightly! Currently Dp and I appear to have polar opposite approaches to finances and parenting and that's proving very challenging. I can only see it getting worse as we get older etc.

I've read your other posts and it's always struck me what a strong, independent woman you are. You're worth so much more than this man, who doesn't seem to take responsibility for anything. Please don't stay for the sake of being in a relationship or not wanting another failed one. Do what's right for you and your little boy

That's very kind of you to say and thank you.

Are you by any chance failing to recognise red flags early on? Or ignoring them in a kind of on balance, the cons are out-weighed by the pros, until you find a few years in, they are actually deal- breakers for you?

That is a possibility. The exh changed as we married young and just wanted very different things.
Curent one, I knew the issues we discussed them early on promises were made about what we do which he hasn't kept eg moving areas, changing jobs etc. I choose to trust him, which was an error on my part.
Realities of step parenting and indeed parenting , are harder than expected which I acknowledge is partially my fault as I wasn't aware of how difficult things could be

Well op tbf its very rare that a relationship lasts forever. Most have to end at some point.

The majority of ppl in our lives are just passing through.

Because we change, and they change and then the relationship just doesn't work anymore so we go our separate ways. Thats how it should be.

I'd actually say you are doing something right if you are walking away rather than staying with someone who no longer suits, due to some inability to be single like some ppl.

Real life is not Disney. I think a lot of ppl who atat in longterm things only do so because they cant be single.

That's probably a happier way of looking at it, great point and great attitude!

I also agree with the PP about relationships come and go and that's ok.

You have an idea of what you want a relationship to be like.

They're supposed to bring you joy and make life easier.
Does he do that? Do you feel like a valued and equal partner?

When you close your eyes and imagine a perfect day, what do you see?

Do you have that now?

I feel like a surrogate mom not a partner, if that makes sense.