He told his new girlfriend he wished I had an abortion

[DV121]

So I’m coming here because I’ve lurked before, everyone here seems to give great advice and I’m hurting right now.

So me and my boyfriend split up just after our baby was born due to him texting other women. I tried to keep it as civil as possible for our baby. We would text most days just check ins etc. Once our baby was around 6 months old he suddenly stopped being so available, he couldn’t help out as much and he told me I would need to stop leaning on him. I probably did too much but I don’t have much help else where. He said despite being put on furlough he was being made to work so he was very very busy.

Anyway very recently I found out he got a girlfriend around those times, he had been with her daily. I actually spoke to her because there were several issues. He told her he wanted me to have an abortion. I found out he lost his job months back because he was sleeping with the manager. He always paid maintenance because he took out a massive loan. To keep up with this girl because she earns a shit ton apparently.

I’m just so hurt. He never wanted me to have an abortion or he never expressed that to me. The things he was saying to her, he never felt that way about me. The fact he lied and left me to struggle. I’ve recently gone back to work and the first nursery payment crippled me. All this time he had the money to help and he chose not to. I’m heartbroken I had a baby with this man. I feel so sorry for my baby.

Once he was found out, he came all sorry saying he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He lies all the time for no reason. He hates what he sees inside it’s ugly. The him I got was not real. This is the real him now. He scares me because all this time you would think he worships our son. How easily he lies and hurts people. I can’t believe we have to raise a child together. I’m so sorry this is long. I needed this rant because I’m embarrassed

"But at the same time I have this little hope for a family."

You DO have your little family: your little one and yourself. Make the best possible life for the two of you.
Be glad the low-life left. He comes across as someone who is very into appearances but not very much into thruths.

Check with citizens advice, they're usually good and do phone calls.

I don’t have any of them on social media. She actually came to me. She thought he was messing around with me. He admitted to making that comment.

I know He won’t change and it’s just getting your head around being a single parent. I understand people can regret becoming a parent. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do it at all. It’s hard to do it all alone. I know I can do it. It’s just not what I envisioned for my life

@DV121

I don’t have any family support which is why I think I leaned on him and expected much more.

It is hard to get a feel for the type of father he is. One minute he’s the love of his life the next he wishes he never had him. I understand you may feel these things. I regret the fact he’s his dad.

I stupidly believed all his excuses about work which is why he couldn’t show up. When in reality he lost his job he just couldn’t be bothered to be a dad. He would rather sit around this woman’s house daily.

I think that’s what gets me. I’ve struggled so much this past year, with PPD, financially. And it hasn't affected him much. Yet he’s the one saying he wished he hadn’t been born

My heart goes out to you op, as you sound very much on your own. Do you have any friends or rl support at all. Are there any local support groups you could join? How are you finding being back at work?

This man has proved himself to be an unworthy parent and an unworthy partner. You and your child deserve so much better. Don't trust what he says ever again. It's massively disappointing what he has done but now you know what he is really like you need to harden your heart and take some time away from all contact with him except that which directly concerns your son. Make sure you go through the right channels to get financial help from him though. I know it's hard because you could really do with some hands-on support but honestly you are better off without this deceiving , weak, rat of a man.

And remember that it doesnt matter really what he thinks. He didn't have any objections when he was having sex with you. And proper love is so much more than feelings; it is actuon - picking a child up from school, helping out with chores, being faithful to the child's mother, working and providing an income, putting your child to bed at night.

You keep plugging away at your job and ignore this wastrel. It will be very hard. But set your sights on a better future without this scumbag and keep posting on here for support.

She sounds as pathetic as your ex. She came to you and said that. The only reason to do that is to hurt you.
I think you should be glad he's out your life and having as little to do with your child as possible.

Stand back and look at what is happening.
He lies, cheats and isn't stepping up to parenting.
His GF comes to you saying awful things you don't need to hear and being dramatic about her relationship with your ex.
They should appear on a Jeremy Kyle show.

It's going to be hard but you can do this without him and you can give your baby a good happy life.

Sorry what I was trying to say was that he probably regrets you having the baby because it's a constant reminder of how weak he is and how he is completely failing in his responsibilities.

And don't believe any of the guff about this being the real him now. It may be. It may not be. The point is it doesn't matter because you can't trust his word about ANYTHING anymore so please don't agonise or give a moment's mental energy over to this knobhead who wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face with a wet kipper

Wake up and realise you do not want or need him in your lives and even the thought of being in a family with a lying cheat is horrific.

Distance yourself and only keep communicating if it's to do with the baby or maintenance. Don't force contact, your child would be better off meeting with the father as an adult, when he may have matured a little.

He's sounds very immature and I'm guessing he's not taking responsibility that seriously, if he had a good bond with the baby he wouldn't be saying such silly cruel things, he's more interested in the latest girl around him. When the child is a bit older I'm sure you'll meet someone else that can hopefully be a better role model in his life.