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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worried about sister and BIL

4 replies

littlecoxy · 08/11/2007 10:00

Hi, new to mumsnet so sorry if this is the wrong place to put this thread but need a bit of advice. Sis and BIL been married 5 years and have 4 month old ds. Since he has been born get sis on phone to me slagging off BIL for going out in evenings, not doing nappies 'right', not drying him properly after bath etc. Then we had them over for weekend recently, really nice weekend and chance for me to see that BIL is in fact great with dn. He gets up with him first thing and feeds him, changes him and plays with him while sis gets lie in (sis admits he does this every day!! Before he goes to work and for longer at weekend!!) He works late sometimes but still baths dn but then leaves drying etc to sis as he goes to cook the tea! Had really nice weekend but got awkward as had sis slagging BIL off to me and BIL slagging sis off to dh. Felt uncomfortable with this as they occasionally did this in front of both of us and dh and I felt like we were put on spot to take sides. Trouble is that dh told me BIL has confided that he is getting really fed up with nagging and is not happy with relationship at minute. I know I've only seen a snapshot of their relationship and that things may be different the rest of the time but do feel that sis could give BIL a bit of a break. Do I just keep my nose out or do I try to talk to sister about this?

OP posts:
sleepycat · 08/11/2007 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlecoxy · 08/11/2007 10:28

Hadn't thought of that, although what you say does make sense. It just worries me that they don't seem to talk to each other and I don't know if she can actually see what is happening - that she is pushing him away. If she continues to criticise him don't think it will be long before he says 'alright then, you do it all if I do it all wrong'.

OP posts:
warthog · 08/11/2007 13:24

sounds like they're suffering from post-baby shock. can you babysit for them so they can get a meal out on their own, just so they can reconnect? it's very normal. you can gently fight his corner for him, but try to be understanding of her. she's going through a lot and quite possibly is struggling with the changes in her life. time out for both of them is very valuable.

eyesfront · 08/11/2007 17:21

In my experience, the only 'talks' that get through are the short, sharp, blunt ones. Nicey-nicey waffly stuff along the lines of 'i can see you are stressed but...' just leave the other person thinking you agree with them. so if you are going to say anything, it's may have to be along the lines of 'Your DH is an absolute hero with DS and you should think yourself lucky to have him. What is your problem? because if you carry on like this he will walk. Is that what you want? What's the real problem?' Or whatever.

Whether you feel OK doing this depends on the relationship you have with your sister. Good luck!

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