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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Situation from the past

14 replies

RowenTree · 20/03/2021 16:32

I'd be interested on your perspectives of this situation. I rarely think about it, but the MeToo campaign, and recent events has brought it to the forefront of my mind and I'd rather it wasn't.

About 16 years ago, while in my 20s, I was recently split up and moved out from my partner. A friend at work encouraged me to join his amateur dramatics group.

There was a guy in his 50s, who came from some big theatre who everyone seemed to be in awe of. He had been round to some other females house to help her practise so I agreed when he offered to help me.

Came to my house to practise. I shared a bottle of wine with my sister. She went out. I just rememer getting really drunk, not sure on what. He took me to buy more alcohol. Encouraged me to practice this other women's scene which had a kiss. I don't recall much else aside from a few sexual flash backs that I don't know if they were true or me making up the worst thing in my mind. It was bad if true. I was blacked out (not unconscious). I woke up in bed the next morning utterly confused and disorientated.

I went to the GP for all the tests and he was concerned.

I've had drunken sex before and not questioned it. I was thinking maybe I had agreed or led this person on etc but it felt so wrong. He was sober. The thing that made it worse was the next bit.

He kept texting the next day, saying he loved me. I didn't respond. He turned up the next day and was insistent he came in. He didn't want me to tell anyone. When I said I couldn't remember what happened, he refused to tell me and said it was best I didn't know. I struggled to get him to leave as he was worried about what people may say.

NC and may not come back but I've no idea what to make of it. I think I need to make sense of it finally.

OP posts:
RowenTree · 20/03/2021 17:11

Well, feels better typing that out.

OP posts:
Sitchervice · 20/03/2021 17:27

It sounds like he took advantage of you OP.

What are your feelings on this. Are you OK? Upset?

Icenii · 20/03/2021 17:32

Have you spoken to anyone, like friends, about it?

Marineboy67 · 20/03/2021 17:38

Do you think he spiked your drink?

Singlenotsingle · 20/03/2021 17:45

He was obviously a sexual predator and you were lucky to get away lightly. Don't get obsessed over it. It was a long while ago. Sometimes it just makes it worse when you drag up events from the past.

Givemeabreak88 · 20/03/2021 17:46

Sounds bad but I would forget it now

RowenTree · 20/03/2021 17:54

I wish I knew what had happened and whether it matches the snippets. I also think wonder how much he controlled the situation and how much was me.

My friend asked if my drink was spiked at the time, but I don't know.

OP posts:
Icenii · 20/03/2021 21:20

If it is making you feel sad, could you talk to some about it?

Marineboy67 · 21/03/2021 10:59

Aside from the disastrous consequences of having your drink spiked the chemical evidence tends to leave the body quite quickly.
This just adds weight and confusion to the perpetrators case against prosecution.
This man sounds like a complete sexual predator and silent rapist.
He knew exactly what he was doing from the start and has probably perfected his crimes and theatricals down to a fine art.
In his deranged narcissistic mind he probably see's the whole thing as a performance.
In your situation it would be difficult for me to not hunt this animal down and prevent him doing this to others.

Outbutnotoutout · 21/03/2021 11:09

I would report it

He sounds like a sexual predator, there may be many more women, just like you.

RowenTree · 21/03/2021 14:28

I did Google him last night but couldn't remember the last name. I think I found him but he looks like a white haired older man now. It's too far in the past and I'm unclear of what happened to do or say anything. I wish I had spoken to the other woman.

OP posts:
Outbutnotoutout · 22/03/2021 15:55

There may be more reports about him to the police, it could join the dots

FerrisWheelTrain · 22/03/2021 16:51

I’m surprised people are telling you here not to report it. I think you should. It may be that he has done this to someone else, and your incident could help. Did you say your GP was concerned? Did your GP encourage you to report it at the time? Horrible for you OP, I’m sorry xx @RowenTree

something2say · 22/03/2021 19:44

I'm so sorry to hear this. How awful for you. How terrible.

I think it's ok to think about it. Often we carry these things until we're ready to bring them out and think about them. A session or two with a nice kind counsellor to just listen and go through it with you might be nice.... but I don't think it's bad to think about it.

Do you want to take it further? You don't have to. You can if you want, but you don't have to.

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