How can I mend things?

[Liquoricecreamrock]

I've been with husband over 10 years. I've had a crush on someone for a while who I work with. I want to move on from this crush as it's consuming my thoughts and effecting my relationship. I do love my husband but we have become distant from each other. My colleague is married too so no good would come from that. How can I get back on track with dh? Lockdown hasn't helped matters and not being able to do anything or have time away from the children on our own.

Well done on recognising you need to move on from the work crush. It’s hard.
Do have any opportunity to spend better/different time with dh either when kids are asleep or at school etc?

I think we are going to have to make time @Essle

How did you feel before the crush? Was everything fine, or were you bored? I guess I'm trying to work out if the crush was the cause or the symptom?

I think I probably was a little bit bored before the crush but we were relatively ok. Then Covid hit and lockdown and then feelings appeared seemingly out of nowhere for my crush. It was a gradual process and I think it is mutual as there have been signs there although it is hidden and not spoken about.

Then I think you're in a good position. It's not out of control yet, no lines have been crossed, if it's not been spoken about you can just stop the signs and stop any mixed messages. Don't communicate in any tones beyond that you would any other colleague. Then work out if you want to be with your husband or not. If the other man is married too there really is no good at all that come come of it. That's not to say your doubts about your marriage aren't real, but he isn't the answer. I know it's hard, it's almost addictive, and the more you let it become real the more addictive it becomes

@LoveIsAllThereIs
Yes you are so right it is addictive the more I let him inside my head. Thank you.

@liquoricecreamrock Wishing you the best of luck. I was in your shoes once, I wish I'd not crossed that line. It's been everything the wrong way around, and very difficult to work out my true thoughts about my marriage with somone else in my head clouding reality. Although I think I may have plodded along in a marriage I wasn't happy in without a push to make me question it. It's an emotional rollercoaster. Save yourself the drama

I think I would consider applying for another job. The temptation will always be around whilst your still working there.
If nothing else its another positive affirmation in stepping away from this other man. Is the man at work aware you have a crush on him, have you unwittingly given him any signals?

I think it's a case of us both liking each other but both of us trying to hide it. Initially I didn't feel attraction to him but I started to get some attention from him, little things like him making excuses to talk to me etc and it grew from there from my side. He might sense something but he doesn't know for definite that I have a crush. I've thought about leaving my job but I really like it and it's at my child's school so I would still him although not as much. There aren't any opportunities for temptation and even if there were there's no way I could go there!