Am I too close to my daughter?

[ThisTooShallBeFantastic]

I've been worrying about this for a while. She is late 20s and struggling with relationships and career. I think she feels a bit lost. She has lived with me in the first and third lockdowns, but is now planning to return to her rented accommodation. I'm encouraging her to do this but basically neither of us want it to happen. We get on extremely well and always have done. I fear I am her comfort blanket and she is my soulmate. This is wrong, isn't it? Or should we just appreciate and enjoy our wonderful relationship?

It’s lovely that you’ve been there to support her through some crisis’, but it’s very easy to get sucked back into easy life with your parents... especially if they’re nice people and you get on well. It takes off all the pressure off building a life for yourself.

It’s your job as a parent to make yourself redundant. Lovely to be so close but surely you want her to meet someone/have her own family

That says if perfectly, I think

OP if you and her and both happy with the arrangement it sounds really wonderful. Very normal in many cultures.

You've given her a safe place to land when she hit a bit of a rough patch. That's what loving parents do. Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship.

Wish I had a mother like you op ❤️

Aww bless you all, and thank you. I feel much better now.

Think of it in terms of practicalities. She might want to marry and have children one day, and I'm not sure how men would feel going to back to her parent's place, instead of her on. If I were a man, I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. If she's struggling financially, then I can see it would make sense for her to live with you, but she wants a partner in life, she needs to make space for that....literally!

I totally understand your daughter as your soul mate. I have often felt I've known my daughter in a past life. It's not a feeling I've had with anyone else.
I don't think there is anything wrong with living together. Why not?

You're worrying too much.

I'm sure you're both very close but I'm also sure that at her age, she doesn't see you as a "soulmate" or is overly dependent. It's been a really tough year for everyone so having strong family bonds to support and get through tough times should be celebrated , not avoided. British culture is weird because personal distance and aloofness is a much bigger part of this society than in others. In most other countries, tight family bonds are seen as completely normal and healthy.

It's interesting because I'm sure my own mum would see us as closer than we actually are. There are things she has no idea of that I discuss with close friends but wouldn't discuss with her. It's very likely you're overestimating her "dependency " on you.

That’s a good point actually @LivBa, I quite possibly do overestimate her dependency. I’m sure she doesn’t share everything with me, and I certainly don’t with her - I’m not reliant on her emotionally for instance, but I do enjoy her company very much and I’ll miss her (for the most part 😂).