No idea what is normal anymore!

[Thegoodthebadandthesnuggly]

So I’ve been single for a year after a long marriage. Met somebody on tinder who works overseas and we’ve been texting everyday for the last 6 weeks. He isn’t coming home until next month.

So I’ve not dated before my husband and have no idea what is a normal level of communication. This guy texts every day, multiple times throughout the day and has told me how much he likes me. I always seem to be the one to initiate FaceTime calls which he increasingly puts off and makes excuses like he’s too busy. We have FaceTimed a handful of times but never had an actual chat on the phone despite me asking.

I feel like after 6 weeks we should be doing this? I’ve brought it up a few times now and he just said he prefers texting and voice notes and it’s nothing personal and he really likes me and can’t wait to take me out when he’s home.

I feel really confused. Is this normal? Am I expecting too much considering we’ve not even been on a date yet? I would like to get to know him more and despite multiple texts a day I feel like I can’t get that level of excitement when I see his name pop up with yet another, “ how was work?” Or “ what are you up to?” Text!

Modern daters can you shed some light on this please?

What I'm wondering readinv this post -

Does he actually work oversees or is he actually a married man who can text regularly, but can only Facetime at very specific times as he's got his wife or kids around?

Why are you chasing a man who works oversees? If working oversees is a regular thing, you'll hardly see him. Don't you eventually want to live with him? Are you willing to move abroad?

I would urge to not to invest a lot if hope in this OP. Don't be surprised if his return date to the U.K or wherever you live never materialises or keeps getting pushed forward, and then he'll block you with no explanation. Hope I'm wrong about that.

Soon he'll be asking you for money. Ditch this person and find someone who lives in this country who you can actually meet when we are out of lockdown.
This is deeply suspicious and it is how women are scammed.

Don't give him money if he asks.

What the other respondents have written here.

This all sounds very suspicious to me as well and I would stop all contact now.

Thank you for your replies. No he does work away hes home every 6 weeks which doesn’t bother me. I follow his Instagram and he’s definitely single. He’s a lovely genuine person and like I say we’ve had a few FaceTime chats maybe 5/6. It was more of the fact that I wondered if it was normal to predominantly text at this stage as I’m new to dating and don’t know what is normal.

I should add that my ex husband also worked overseas so it’s something I’m used to and not off putting. They are then home for weeks at a time when they come back.

5/6 FaceTime chats with someone you’ve never met in 6 weeks is a lot! When I was in a long distance relationship (with someone I actually knew!) we only had a video chat once or twice a week. It’s hard work and there’s not always a lot to talk about.

5/6 facetime chats sounds lots, and mostly texts sounds normal, yes. You wouldn't normally want to be texting for 6 weeks, you have to get on with meeting in person as it's awkward if you get on in texts but not in real life. Obv slightly tricky to do that just now.

Please dont worry about the FaceTime thing. Some men do prefer texting rather than FaceTime or talking. Its just their preferred communication tool. The fact that he does FaceTime sometimes is a good sign. Just ask if it would be ok to FaceTime on x,y,z day or whatever suits you both. I know texting can be quite a dry way of communicating but the fact he is texting regularly is also a good sign. One word of caution though, as you are new to the game don't get emotionally attached yet until you meet up and for a few months after. What men say and do on text might not translate in real life. I hope you are still on tinder and making more dates and connecting with other men whilst you chat to this guy. This is how it works and he may well be chatting to others too. Don't put your eggs in one basket in the dating game. Keep all your options open.

Thank you for the great advice. I’ve very much in the mindset of I like him and look forward to meeting in person to see if there is a good connection. What will be will be. I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship previously so I think I’m on alert for red flags whilst also being used to the love bombing in the beginning of the relationship which is somewhat clouding my judgement here and questioning this new guys interest.

My first thought was that maybe he is married overseas and can’t put his all into you, but if you’re fully certain he’s single then it’s probably just a dislike of video chats, I hate them myself and will put them off wherever possible, I just find them really uncomfortable. The only thing you can do here is take it for what it is and don’t get your hopes up because sometimes these things fizzle out as quick as they start especially during lockdown.