postive sexless/sexfree stories needed - (my goodness I hope there are some....)

[bamamama]

Having searched this topic I know there are some of you out there in this situation. I have contributed to these threads before but really cannot be fecked to name change (not well known at all so hardly matters).

This week after 10 years together myself and dh have agreed that we will 'officially' consider ourselves to be in a celibate marriage. This has been an issue for our entire relationship and the associated stress/anguish of constantly fretting about the situation and associated therapy and medical interventions has been draining. We have decided to put all these energies into having a good relationship in all other respects. This decision has partly come about because we miraculously concieved ds and were now thinking about ttc#2. The issue is because my dh has zero libido and had got to the point where non-sexual massage was causing him to be greatly stressed. For my part it's been so long that although I'm not entirely happy about the situation I want it to be resolved either way. I don't want us to split up and I just don't see this as a deal breaker. I am sad that this will probably mean our ds is an only although now I've accepted this I know I would have worries about having another child anyway.

Phew - Anyway, there must be those out there who are happy in a celibate marriage - I just need reassurance that we haven't just agreed to the beginning of the end. Any thoughts?

We were in an almost celibate marriage (about once every 3 months) then we went for DD2. Since then sex life has got better now we know baby making is a 'past life'. Mind you, sex is still very sporadic. DH now works away during week so suits me fine!!! But once we decided sex wasn't basis of relationship it has crept back in. Still not a big part of our marriage, but if you BOTH accept that it really isn't a problem.
Is there an inequality in what you both want??

I think how much sex a couple has is only ever an issue if there's a difference between what you both feel is acceptable. Therefore, a couple where one thinks 2x a week is fine but the other thinks it should be 7x, might be heading for trouble. If you're both entirely sure that celibacy is OK, then why not? The only thing that might make ohers sceptical is the idea that if dp had been agreeing to it for your sake, then he might be off sh other women behind your bck. But in your case is that it seems that this stems more from him than you. Whilst it might not be a deal breaker at the moment, what if you change your mind? Or meet someone else who re-ignites those feelings? (although that could happen even if you were still having sex together of course). And is your relationship affectionate in other ways? Because people say that sex is a good way of connecting to your partner on a level that nothing else matches. Again, may not be an issue for you.