Scared I'll always be alone!

[november90]

Single mum to 2 DS aged 4 and youngest in 10 months.
Ex husband left me suddenly during my second pregnancy over a year ago.
I'm happy to be alone now and whilst my baby is a baby, but i can't shake the thought of who will want me with 2 children, how will I accept anyone when I have 2 children. I always dreamed of more children and I'm really struggling with the thought of being on my own and loosing my family dreams!
I'm having cbt, I know nobody can tell me the future :(

Hey lovely. I have 4 children and I'm not on my own. Lots of people who have children have gone on to find new partners. I have friends without kids who are single.

I know it is hard but I have found friends with children who have met new partners and married and now very happy.

It isn't easy though and it does seem easier for men

Op, i feel a bit like you but i had 2 kids under 15 months when my relationship ended. I read loads of stories on here about people with kids meeting others so don't despair too much. Men do have it easier because they dont tend to do the childcare! Perhaps think whether you want a blended family yourself. Personally i cant imagine bringing someone into my kids lives unless super serious and its been 3 years now.

Lots of mothers find partners again.

But you shouldn't right now. You need to change your thinking - "who will want me"?! Love, with that attitude, only losers, abusers and users.

You need to value yourself and your little family, and have good strong boundaries. Make damn sure that any guy who wants to be part of your life brings value to it and adds to your happiness.

Your children are not baggage to be apologised for. I'm sorry your ex left you like that, it was horrible. Don't let him set you up to be vulnerable to other shitty men, tho. Work on your self-worth before you consider dating.

Hi sorry to hear your exh walked out on you n his children's lives,, his loss,!! From way I view it online dating is like a online cattle market and I say this from a man's pov 😂 try get a child minder and give speed dating a whirl if you know of events n venues,? At least you see / meet guys in RL or ask trusted friends set you up a blind date,? and it'll get you out of the house n break from kids good luck.

Thank you for the replies.
I wouldn't want to be with anyone right now anyway because I just want to concentrate on my little boys. But I just panic myself thinking about the future and I know that's a bad habit of mine hence the cbt.
My confidence had had a massive knock and I just worry about being on my own :(

If 90 is your birth-year, you're early 30s - you have time in your fertility window to meet someone (and have more children if you like), and you have plenty of life to lead and find someone beyond that. You're not even half way through.

It's really unlikely you won't meet someone nice in good time.

But really, is the worst possible outcome in life to be single? Statistically single women have a better happiness rating than married ones . And blokes tend to die sooner than women, so even married old ladies tend to end up spending their last years on their own. It's far better to have a full content life on your own than end up stuck with some lack-lustre bloke. Obviously it's great to have a good relationship, but it's like a bonus in life, not the only thing that matters.

I'd focus on enjoying what you do have, on building a good social network and a career/job you enjoy or at least like, enjoying raising your amazing children, who won't stay little long, and building yourself back up. The right man may come along, he may not, but you can be happy either way.