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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

tw child abuse.

6 replies

ncccc2 · 19/03/2021 22:22

just a rant, memories have been dug up and i need to put them somewhere. please don't read if this is triggering for you.

my dad used to hit me. he made me so terrified. i remember the feeling. he is a big man. he's only 5'9ish, but he weighed over 18 stone. i remember the sound of the stomping on the floor as he ran towards me. i remember the sting on my legs. i remember my mum begging him to go away. just begging him to please calm down. to please clear his head. to think about what he's doing. i remember when he threw me onto the sofa, stomped over to me, and stood over me, while shouting in my face. then smacked me so hard on my upper leg that it went numb.

i remember when his go to defence from tantrums was to put his hand over both my mouth and nose, so that i couldn't breathe. i would scream and tell him i couldn't breathe, and he'd say, as long as i could tel him that, i could breathe. i can still hear my mum telling him to please move his hand off of my nose. his hand covered almost my whole face. he gripped my cheeks so hard with his fingers the whole time he was doing it.

i will never forget it. it is usually hidden way at the back of my mind, but every now and then i get a flash of fear and remember the sounds of his foot steps or the feeling of his hands crushing my rib cage as he picked me up just to throw me back down, and the feeling of my hair almost being pulled out as he dragged me into my bedroom.
i need to talk to someone, a therapist, anything, but i am so scared that he will get in trouble.

OP posts:
Cagedbirdsinging · 19/03/2021 22:53

@ncccc2...oh honey , I am so sorry that this brute bullied you and made you live in fear .
I think we bury this stuff deep so that we can try to get on with how life is 'supposed' to be , but every now and then something happens that transports us back to those times when we felt tiny , powerless and defenceless .
You have posted here , a good place to start ...maybe this is you letting yourself know that now is a good time to seek someone professional who can listen to you pour out your hurt and fear , and then guide you to ways that will lay these memories and flashbacks to rest.
I found Talking Therapy helped ; my GP referred me .
Personally , I think your dad should get into trouble for what he did but a professional counsellor will not take action against him on your behalf . That will be your decision if you decide to pursue .
Are you safe and away from him now ? Is your Mum safe ?
More articulate people than me will be along soon with good ideas for you , I just wanted to wish you well in the meantime .

ncccc2 · 19/03/2021 23:12

thank you. i want to talk to someone about this but i am so scared he will get in trouble for it, i want to talk about it but i'd like to keep the peace and not cause drama with him getting in trouble. yes we are safe, he hasn't been physical in many years, it's just the memories of my childhood which pop up sometimes which terrify me.

OP posts:
Cagedbirdsinging · 19/03/2021 23:56

I read this :
Pete Walker MFT
www.pete-walker.com
Comments @psychotherapy.net
Emotional Flashback Management
'Remind yourself that although you still feel afraid , you are not in danger , you are safe now in the present . You are free to protest unfair behaviour . Be patient with a slow recovery process - it takes time to become unadrenalinized .'
(I paraphrased massively !)
Try not to worry about him ; he's a grown-up .
Find yourself a good therapist first - to restore your strength and resilience . I know you must be worried about how your Mum will cope if you start talking about elements of your childhood that were and still are distressing ; she may also be fearful of him , or feel guilty , but you are allowed to talk .

longcoffeebreak · 20/03/2021 14:58

This is a 12 step recovery programme that might help you discover and recover. I go it's basically trauma work but you don't have to do it alone and it is free.

adultchildren.org

Kittykat93 · 20/03/2021 15:05

Oh god OP:( that was really hard to read. Just to say though, you can tell someone. It doesn't mean he will get into trouble (even though the git deserves it.) You can have counselling, therapy, theres even options for video therapy or online/chat services, so have a google. I am so sorry for what you went through and really hope you can find closure and peace.

Apap17 · 17/04/2021 19:34

Hi
I came on here as I was sexually abused as a child. I think that all children, however old they maybe now need to make the gouvernement aware of all child abuse. We kids have been forgotten too long

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